The BA Book by Bikini Atol
Introduction
Thirty-one years. That’s the span of time this book covers. Since the founding members of the underground band named Bikini Atol (BA) first met, the band’s love for music created the history documented here. It’s doubtful this book will become a bestseller, and if you’re reading this, you might be mentioned in it. If you don’t want to read the whole thing, just check the index to see if you’re in here. But like every band wants people to listen, BA would love it if you read the book. And if you’re not in here and feel that you should be, just know you’re in our hearts. Perhaps this book will even gain BA some new fans. This is a nonfiction autobiography, but there are some fibs that spice up the story. Some of these lies are self-evident, such as the “Dio narrative,” where the ghost of Ronnie James Dio guides the band, and some are less evident. This shouldn’t matter much, because the details aren’t as important as the big picture. BA hopes you enjoy this story of the unending pursuit of our dream. Thanks for being a fan.
Prelude: Lady Space
In 1991, Sam Roy and Shane Matney were two rockers attending Summertown High School in Lawrence County, TN. They jammed together, with Sam on drums and Shane on guitar, calling themselves Lady Space, but needed another musician to form a band. Guitarist Michael Kress attended Loretto High School, in the same county, just thirty miles away. Michael and Sam were both in marching band, and played together for a band concert at Crockett Theater in Lawrenceburg. Michael played straight quarter notes on bass drum, while Sam, being better at drums, played snare and quads. They had that in common, but their main interest was rock n’ roll. Sam’s teacher knew of their mutual interest, and introduced them. None of these kids were old enough to drive, so Michael’s parents escorted him to Sam’s house to play. They started jamming in Sam’s parents’ basement. For drums, Sam had a set of 1978 Ludwig Super Classics that he bought at Hewgley’s Music Shop in Columbia. Years later, the drums would burn up in a suspicious bar fire. For guitars, Shane had a black Kay Starter Series and Michael had a white Ibanez EX. These guitars were either purchased at Looney Tunes, (named after and owned by Michael’s guitar teacher, Mike Looney) or Kevin’s Music Shop, both staples of the Lawrenceburg music scene at the time. With drums and two guitars, there was no bass to fill the low end, but they didn’t let that stop them. The three started out with some cover tunes. One of them was “All Along the Watchtower.” This was fun to play because of its simplicity. Sam would pound the drums, Shane would strum three chords repeatedly, and Michael would wail away on vocals and guitar with pentatonic fury. After having fun with the covers, they took on a more serious task, Lady Space originals, written by Sam and Shane. Once they worked up these originals, they were ready to record, so they rented Jeff Quillen’s studio in Loretto. The three songs they recorded were “Catfish Blues [1],” “Waste of Space [2],” and “Mile of Love [3].”
“Catfish Blues,” like many blues tunes, is about hard times. The intro is a guitar lick by Michael, then Sam comes in on drums, then Shane on rhythm, then Michael’s bass track, leading into the woeful lyrics. “Waste of Space” is about a mean woman. Like “Catfish Blues” it starts with Michael’s guitar, this time through a DOD Envelope Filter FX25B. (He was still developing his skills at this early age, and felt like wah-ing was too much work, so it was convenient to let the pedal do the work.) Shane then comes in playing some triplets before going into the main riff and the rest of the band coming in. “Mile of Love” is about male promiscuity and the gigolo lifestyle in an office setting. It begins with Shane playing beautiful arpeggios, then the crooning starts. The end solo features a combination of slide and volume pedal, adding to the smooth ambience of the song.
Jeff recorded the songs on reel-to-reel and then put them on cassette. As the years passed, everyone thought the songs were lost to the ages. But Michael found them while sorting through a mountain of unlabeled cassette tapes in Loretto. They were lost for so long he felt like Zhao Kangmin discovering the terracotta army. Upon discovery, he made digital hard copies and uploaded the songs into the cloud.
The Lady Space trio never played any shows. When Michael left the band, Sam and Shane continued for a while, with Shane switching from guitar to bass, a BC Rich Warlock played through a Carvin stack. They were fans of KISS’s legendary pyrotechnics, and thought they’d play with some fire themselves. They used Lysol to shoot giant flames at Sam’s cymbals, lighting them on fire. No damage was done to the cymbals, and it was a hell of a sight. When Shane got into a relationship, the duo disbanded, never to play as a serious band again, but Michael and Sam would.
Two-Piece BA
“Besides, it’s just punk rock, man. You know, you don’t have to know how to play. All you just got to do is be a punk, man. We could do that.” -Pedro De Pacas, Up in Smoke
Fast-forward twenty-one years, circa 2012, with both Sam and Michael living in Florence, AL. They’ve always been health-conscious, so it’s not strange that they ran into each other at Gold’s Gym on Cox Creek Parkway in Florence. It was there that they made plans to start jamming at Sam’s apartment downtown. This time around, they both had their own cars and driver’s licenses, and neither was living at home; that worked to their advantage. But it was only drums, guitar, and vocals, and they had to make that work. They already had most of the equipment they needed, but had to order some Behringer powered PA speakers, splitting the bill. They started out doing classic rock covers like “Comfortably Numb” and “Wish You Were Here” by Pink Floyd, “Purple Haze” and “Foxy Lady” by Jimi Hendrix, and “Paranoid” and “N.I.B.” by Black Sabbath, but none of those songs sounded full without bass. Then, Sam had the idea of trying out some Ramones songs. Michael didn’t know anything by them, so he had to go home to get some guitar tabs and lyrics from the internet. When he returned to Sam’s a few nights later, they were ready to try these songs out. They started with “53rd & 3rd,” “Loudmouth,” “Don’t Bust my Chops,” and “Bonzo Goes to Bitburg.” After playing these, they realized they could pull off the Ramones songs without bass because they were so simple. They started working on more punk covers, like “Marriage” by the Descendents, “She,” “Skulls,” “Last Caress,” “Bullet,” and “Where Eagles Dare” by The Misfits, “10 in 2010” and “Walk” by Bad Religion, “Lust for Life” by Iggy Pop, and “Roots Radicals” by Rancid. After they worked up these punk covers, Sam broke out some original songs he’d had sitting around for a while. They worked together in arranging these songs to suit their format. Eventually, they had a 50/50 mix of originals and covers. Next, if they were ever going to play anywhere, they had to come up with a name. Neither band member could think of anything they both liked until John Orman suggested the name “Bikini Atoll.” They loved the name and started using it at once. Later, they found out another band already had that name. This was devastating because the name was perfect. After pondering what to do, they decided it was too perfect not to use. They spelled “Atol” with only one “L,” to avoid copyright infringement.
Bikini Atol’s first gig was at The End Theater in Florence, owned by Scott Long, the Hilly Kristal of the local scene. It was on September 8, 2012. The Times Daily, a local newspaper, advertised the show. Here’s an excerpt: Bikini Atoll [sic], Local Orbit and The Dirty Swagger perform Saturday at the end. theater, 106 S. Pine St., Florence. The show for all ages starts at 9 p.m. Cover charge: $7.
Local Orbit was a band from Huntsville, AL whose singer wore a clown costume and was punk as fuck. The Dirty Swagger, also from Huntsville, had a shirtless guitarist/singer, Blade Almighty, who played through a full-stack that was so loud it drowned out Jackie Fury’s drums. (That’s loud, because drums are loud!) He had a wireless setup and was able to run around in the audience and act like a wild man while Tony Thunder stayed on stage and blasted the thunder out of his bass. BA wasn’t as loud as The Dirty Swagger, but the crowd enjoyed their set, singing along with the covers, and when BA was done playing, the audience still hummed the melody to the original, “Punk Ain’t Dead [4],” proving that the hook was catchy as hell.
Although Bill Reeves (aka Bill Conflict) of Random Conflict was unable to attend BA’s first show, he attended most of the ones following it, and recommended they work up more originals to replace the covers in their set. So that’s what they did. The End would be a hot spot for many local bands, and you could find something going on there almost any night of the week. It had a unique décor, with seats that looked to have been taken from a movie theater, and a variety of armchairs and couches, arranged in a U-shape around the main floor, where fans would stand, watching the bands. Scott always introduced the bands, and would work up the audience by screaming “Rise from your seats!” For most bands, fans would stand and nod their heads to the music, but fans of heavier bands like Tempter, Gatekeeper, Random Conflict, and Abrasive would often thrash about, kicking and punching. BA would play many shows there, more than any other venue. The End was like a home for BA and many other bands, and the scene was like a family.
One of their early shows was on January 14, 2014. They spent 2013 working up their originals, and by the time of this show, the set was cover-free. Scott Long introduced the band, something he’s done many times, and this show was early indeed, because he mistakenly called them “The Bikini Atols.” The band was still working on their sound and image, getting all the kinks worked out. Sam had a set of Gretsch drums with an 18” kick drum that wouldn’t always stay still when he kicked it. If it ran away from him, people would place heavy objects like rail ties or human bodies in front of it to keep it from moving. Michael sang lead and strummed his silver American Strat through a Peavey Sheffield 212. He also played his cream-colored Mexican Strat for the song “Looking for that High [5],” in drop-D tuning, so he wouldn’t have to re-tune the silver one. Being an onstage newbie, he taped the set list to his mic stand, not knowing to tape it on the floor. It would only take a few shows for him to realize taping it on the floor was cooler. Part of the reason for this realization came from seeing himself in a video and realizing how goofy it looked. Sam also had a copy of the set list, but when Michael wrote it out, if a song title had two or more words in it, he’d use acronyms, causing confusion for Sam’s brain. They’d start out playing two different songs, then get in fights about it onstage. It was only verbal abuse, however. Thank God it never escalated into slap fights or hair pulling, as both had a tendency for that type of behavior. This arguing provided as much entertainment as the music. The songs contained in this early set were short, fast, and loud. Later, they would smooth everything out and add dynamics, but amateurishness and spontaneity were part of their charm back then. Here’s a transcript of an interview they did with Alex Rivers after that show:
Alex: Hey Bikini Atol, you flippin’ crazy punks you!
Sam: Hi, Alex.
Alex: So, do you guys actually describe yourselves as a punk band?
Sam: Yes, that’s what we strive for.
Michael: Punk and jazz.
Sam: (Punk and jazz.)
This is a reference to their jazz/punk masterpiece, “New School [6].” This thirty-second epic has fifteen seconds of jazz and fifteen seconds of punk. Miles Davis, eat your heart out.
Alex: So, I hear you guys have an album you’ve been giving out for free at your shows! What’s it called?
Sam: The album is self-titled, I think.
Michael: (Self-titled.)
Sam: We still have a couple of more songs to go, so we’re giving it away until it’s complete. Then we’re going to package it and sell it really cheap. So, probably everybody will have a copy, but if you want those last two songs…
Michael: Last three songs. We’re adding three songs to the album. The album will end up being a little over thirty minutes when we package it and make the cover and everything.
Sam: And about twenty songs in thirty minutes.
Alex: That is really awesome! So, you guys are Shoals Area Locals, right?
Sam: Well, we’re both transplants from Tennessee, but we knew each other growing up and kind of ran into each other down here. When I moved down, he was already down here. I said “Hey Michael, let’s play some music,” and he said “No, I’m too busy.”
Michael: I am too busy.
Alex: Haha! Isn’t that the way of things? I’m glad you two got to start playing together! So, guys, when is your next show?! I’m excited to hear you again!
Sam: We’re playing a short thing, I think the same time that Sunday @ Six is, on March 28, but that’s not truly a show.
Alex: It’s like a battle of the bands.
Sam: (It’s a battle of the bands.)
Michael: We don’t have anything else lined up right now but we’re going to try to get a show together with Your Boys and Random Conflict, hopefully, and we would like to do another show with Sunday @ Six.
While Michael is speaking, Sam is holding the microphone used for the interview up to his face. He starts to stroke this phallic object in a masturbatory fashion.
Sam: Sunday @ Six kicks ass.
Sunday @ Six was Alex’s band, featuring Marcus Sanders shredding an Ibanez 6-string through a Crybaby Wah. Eric McCarley played bass and Josh White played drums.
Alex: You’re embarrassing me.
Michael: You’re embarrassing me!
Sam: Can’t a man masturbate a microphone? You’re so uptight.
Conclusion: Catch the guys on March 28th, 2014 at the end theatre Battle of the Bands! Well hopefully we’ll be getting to see these guys on the Shoals Area Music’s monthly Showcase as well! It’s being run by Dustin Coan and the SAM team! SAM was started in January of last year, and looks to increase turn outs and the overall health of the local scene through such events! Well, that was Bikini Atol at the end theatre in Florence, Alabama guys! I hope you join me next time on Alex at Six!
Alex also video-taped the show that night. This is the one where Michael has the set list taped to the mic stand. It can be viewed on Alex Rivers’s YouTube channel, Alex at Six. This interview gives you an idea of what the scene was like then. Your Boys, Random Conflict, and Sunday @ Six played around town all the time, and although BA was still a new band, they’d already played a show with Sunday @ Six at the time of this interview. Your Boys was a two-piece band made up of Luke Wright and Davis Sandlin, who both also played in Isaac the band. Random Conflict was made up of guitarist Bill Conflict, bassist Brian Conflict, and drummer Edwin Coombs.
This is just a sample of the experiences BA had at The End as a two-piece band. There were many more. Other bands they played with there were Them Damn Dogs, Bailey Cannon Music, Jesse Hunter, Picture Perfect Skylines, Ash of Eden, St. Mary’s Asylum, Gage Garrett, Levi James, Stay Strong Cannonball, and Safe Secrets.
The battle of the bands spoken about in the interview was organized by Matthew Lang from Voodoo Sound System. It would turn out to be one of the largest shows they’d ever play, and the first show they’d do with a bassist. For this show, they recruited Luke (now Violet) Hunter from Cheap Thrill DeVille. They only got to practice with him a few times before the big show. Luke was experimenting with many different types of boutique pedals, a sharp contrast to Michael’s more basic approach with fewer effects. There were 10 bands, so in order to end the show at a reasonable hour, each band was only to play three songs, two originals and one cover. BA’s originals were “Cro-Magnon Man [7],” the alpha male anthem, and “Zombie Jesus [8],” the Easter holiday song. Their cover was “Bullet” by the Misfits. They had maximum energy but made some mistakes, which is probably why they didn’t place. Dirty Swagger won the battle, with Sunday @ Six coming in second, and Flux coming in third. J.J. Bartlett from Bad Ethyl was one of the judges.
The album mentioned in the interview, the one they were giving away, was perhaps only worth what people were paying for it at that time. People are probably using the CDs for coasters and frisbees all over north Alabama today. At first, recording was a struggle. They went to David Brawner’s studio, but didn’t use any of the tracks recorded there. Next, they tried Logan Roberts’s studio, located inside Brandon New Vision Church. There they would record half the songs on the CD. Besides doing the job of engineer, Logan also helped with production and gave good advice during the recording process. He told Michael not to be “scared of the microphone.” Michael has always remembered that and has sung more aggressively ever since. Michael was recording the bass on the 5-string provided by the studio, taking a more basic approach, but Logan gave him ideas to spice up the bass. All the guitar tracks were recorded on a miniature Marshall amp which, despite its size, packed a punch. They also used the church as a practice space, because Sam’s neighbors called the cops on them one night when they were jamming at his apartment. The equipment and acoustics at the church were amazing, and it would’ve been fun to play a show there, but alas, the congregation might not have appreciated the music.
They recorded the other half of the CD on Michael’s Zoom digital 16-track in a house Sam started renting after he left his apartment, but since they didn’t know much about production or engineering, the end result was less than optimal. They plugged everything straight into the board, using the Zoom’s built-in effects. They recorded the drums and vocals with Behringer mics. The amateurish mixing process consisted of listening to the recordings on the PA speakers, then burning them onto CD and going outside to listen to it on the car stereo, repeating that process ad nauseam. On the bright side, it was a fun experience, and it’s always better to do something than nothing. They learned from their mistakes, and got some song ideas out of the process.
The ten men who listened to those CDs could learn the lyrics and sing along at their shows. The CDs were for sale at BA shows and at Pegasus Records, where Albert Rothstein and Eric Gebhardt (aka Red Mouth) worked. Saint Red Mouth was working the day BA brought them into the store, so he blessed them and put them on the shelf. The cover was red and black, with an octopus on the front and bubbles on the back. Tony White was credited with cowriting three of the songs on the CD. The album was dedicated to the memory of Ronnie James Dio.
Sam made videos for three of the songs. “You Can Smoke in my Car [9]” had a slideshow of black-and-white photos from the 1920s, many of them of people smoking cigarettes in cars; “New School” had a bizarre combination of a girl at school and military bomb tests; “I Don’t Mind [10]” had a babe on a motorcycle.
Two-piece BA got to venture out from Florence to the city of Decatur for a show with Walls of Red Wing at a now-closed record store called Excalibur Vintage and Vinyl. (Walls of Red Wing later changed their name to Strange Waves.) There was another band playing the show, and being Decatur locals, they drew more people than BA or Walls of Red Wing, but they were unfriendly. The band sat outside and made out with their groupies while BA and Walls of Red Wing were playing. This was behavior typical of the local scene. That was ok though. BA had a one-man audience who loved the music and bought a CD. Quality is better than quantity. Record stores are fun to visit, regardless of whether bands are playing. Excalibur’s slogan, “It’s not boring, you are,” is true about anyone who wouldn’t enjoy the store. In addition to the music, there were the paintings by local artists decorating the walls. It’s sad that, like so many other venues, they had to close.
Since the Lady Space days of Michael and Sam’s childhood, the Shoals area always had a strong appeal. Galaxy Music, Counts Brothers Music, and The Sound Shoppe were places to browse around and play musical instruments, even if you didn’t buy anything. Pegasus Records, ran by Eli Flippen, also brought music fans to the area. The store had records, tapes, CDs, DVDs, t-shirts, posters, stickers, pins, and everything else related to music. Pegasus rented out practice rooms in the upstairs attic, and there was a concert venue downstairs behind the store. Many bands played back there, and there were occasional burlesque shows. The only time BA played there was at Isaac’s CD release party for Stereo Something. Dogwood Vandals opened the show, playing their original songs and a cover of “Fade Away” by Buddy Holly. They also looked like Buddy Holly. The show had a good crowd, although when BA played it didn’t seem huge, because the venue was large and the people were spread out. More people showed up after BA was done and Isaac went on stage. Isaac was basically Your Boys with Lane Rohling added in on bass, but the former had a more melodic, sentimental vibe than the hilarious punk of the latter. Luke played clean-toned chord scales through his Telecaster, then switched on his Big Muff distortion pedal for the rocking parts. (Luke wanted to hear what Michael sounded like with the Big Muff, so he let him borrow it that night.) Davis sang and held down the beat on drums, then switched to screaming and banging aggressively, breaking his sticks and sending them flying into the air. The show made a lot of money, with Sam and Michael making a couple of hundred dollars each. Since there were only two of them, they didn’t have to split the money up as much as a full band. The only way to do better would be to be a solo singer-songwriter. This, in addition to the novelty, was an advantage of being a two-piece, but there was a downside, the lack of low end. Joseph Whitehead, the bassist for Walls of Red Wing, was at that show, and he told Sam how he liked BA, but being a bass player himself, he wanted to see a bass player onstage. That’s when Sam started thinking about recruiting more members.
BA and many other bands in the Shoals area always struggled to keep a steady practice space, but Pegasus Records was there to help. Cheap Thrill DeVille was renting out one of their upstairs rooms, so BA asked if they could split the rent and share it. They agreed, and BA had a new practice space. BA usually arrived when Cheap Thrill DeVille was finishing up practicing, so they could talk about upcoming shows they’d play together, usually at The End. Sam even played drums with Cheap Thrill DeVille at one show, along with Kate Tayler Hunt sitting in on violin. Sam and Kate also had a jazz duo going, with Sam on acoustic guitar. They would play outside of The End, during the intermissions of other bands. When Cheap Thrill DeVille found another place to practice and left, BA had a predicament. The two of them couldn’t afford the rent, but they didn’t have anywhere else to practice. Quitting wasn’t an option, so they got Strange Waves (formerly Walls of Red Wing) to move in. It was the same situation as with Cheap Thrill DeVille. BA would come in as Strange Waves was wrapping it up, and they’d discuss upcoming shows. Seeing Joseph there every night reminded Sam of what he’d said about bass.
Four-Piece BA
One night, when Michael was late for practice, he walked down the long hallway towards the band room. He heard loud guitar licks and wondered if Ace Frehley was in there. He didn’t see how it could be anyone else, because it seemed impossible to replicate Frehley’s sound so accurately. He also heard a low rumble. As he walked in the door, he was surprised to see that it wasn’t Frehley on guitar, but Steven Herring, shredding a blue Charvel through a Bugera 1990 stack. It wasn’t Gene Simmons on bass, but Andrew Hayes. He had a Japanese Fender, and reviving the ghost of Shane, played it through a Carvin stack. These two men, both former members of rock group The ‘Diles, would make the band sound twice as big. Introductions were made, and the two started learning the songs, with the band preparing for its first gig as a four-piece at The End.
Steven did the artwork for the show’s flyer, as he would do most of the artwork during the four-piece phase [27][28]. For the four-piece debut, they chose Your Boys, who were still a two-piece band, to be the opening act. Your Boys knew this was going to be a special night and that they had to put on a hell of a show to warm up the crowd for BA. Your Boys’s music was always on point, but image and antics were part of their show too. Luke Wright’s wardrobe consisted of a white t-shirt that had “Your Boys” written on it with a Sharpie. Their song, “Soy Boy,” was about Kevin Huang. During that song, Kevin would jump on stage and shove people around. That night, he jumped off the stage and into a lava lamp. Glass shattered everywhere and the liquid fell all over the floor. He was a wild man.
Anyone used to BA’s two-piece setup was in for a surprise, with more than just a change in quantity. Steven made a sign that said BIKINI ATOL in red lights for the front of the stage, there was a large octopus painting placed behind the drums, and all four members wore matching black shirts. The extra instruments freed Michael up to play solos and do stage antics like going out on the floor and letting audience members sing into the mic. Steven gave Michael a red, glittered pedal board with the phrase “Too Kressed to Be Stressed” on it. Michael only put a few pedals on the board, usually his Crybaby Wah and his amp’s footswitch, but the board made the stage look cool. Other antics included Pete Townshend-style windmills done by the whole band simultaneously, with all of them flipping the audience off with their windmill hand. This gesture was meant in the most endearing way possible. BA also added a new ritual for inspiration. The four had a prayer they did to Ronnie James Dio, where they would stand in a circle, make Dio’s devil-horns with their hands, put the horns together, and sing a line out of “Holy Diver.” From then on, Dio would be BA’s extra band member. He answered their prayers, telling them to rock harder.
This Dio instructed; thus, they took heed.
The BA practice room was trashy, with vulgar graffiti on the bare walls. The only poster on the wall said “There are sober kids in India, so finish your beer.” Since they’d be spending many hours there, Steven brought in more posters for decoration and inspiration. There was Black Sabbath, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Rush, Cinderella, Paul Stanley, Freddie Mercury, Phil Lynot, and a topless Lady Gaga. To top it off, Jim Morrison was placed behind the drums. Michael brought in The Misfits, Ziggy Stardust, Motorhead, Jimi Hendrix, and a “More Cowbell!” poster. They also nailed bass drum heads to the wall. This made it even trashier than before, but gave it a musical vibe. The only thing that gave it any class was a Dio prayer candle they used when summoning him.
One night, when BA was sitting around the Dio prayer candle, Dio told them that since there were more band members, they could add songs to the set with guitar interplay, and a dynamic previously impossible. That’s when they started working on the new material. “Resonate [11],” formerly a super-fast punk and western song, was transformed into a slower version that sounded more like actual country and western, with clean-toned lead played over softly strummed chords and a root-fifth bass line. (Grace and Tony, a band Sam was associated with, have done a cover of this song.) “Blow Your Ass Out” was the first instrumental the band wrote, a short song to start off the set, with chords written by Steven, and Michael playing a simple octave melody on top. “I Don’t Want to Go out Tonight [12],” was about a heartbreak. Chris Wilson of Quick & Dirty Recordings would make a video for the song, portraying a bizarre blackout where everything went wrong. “When Your Luck Runs Out [13],” was about gambling and bad luck. Sam wrote a line in it about being broke and having to live on Rice-A-Roni, but Steven used his lyrical genius to suggest it be changed to Beef-A-Roni. It made the song better, and besides, Beef-A-Roni tastes better.
“1 Minute to Close, [14]” was about the horrible work conditions at many retail establishments, but specifically Verizon Wireless. The lyrics even mention Matt Rose, a salesman at the store where Sam and Steven worked. When BA started playing this song onstage, Michael would say it was about Verizon Wireless, but Sam and Steven asked him to stop, for fear of disciplinary action. Neither one of them work there now, so fuck that place, but at least they made friends while working there. Some of these friends and coworkers would come by the practice room to hear the band play. Shana Gatrey, Arsenial Ingram, Barry Minor, and others would come to practice, creating almost as big an audience as BA’s usual shows, and giving them constructive feedback. Sometimes they would come to the real shows too.
After his chastisement for jeopardizing Sam and Steven’s jobs, Michael would introduce “1 Minute to Close” by asking the audience if they’d ever been to a restaurant where the food tasted like piss and flies. When someone responded “yeah,” he’d kick off the tune by saying “Here’s why.”
“I Don’t Want to Go out Tonight,” “When Your Luck Runs Out,” and “1 Minute to Close” would take BA’s sound to another level, with the guitar mimicking the vocal melody, or vice-versa, in all three. These songs would debut at their next show at The End. Since BA’s members were in diapers, The W.C. Handy Music Festival had been a celebration of jazz and other styles of music in the Florence scene, featuring greats like Dizzy Gillespie and Jack Pearson. In 2015, BA would become a part of that tradition. Randall Nichols and Freak Power Productions organized and promoted shows at The End for every night of the week-long festival. The night BA played, they shared the stage with Monsoon, from Athens, GA, Caligulove, from Nashville, and Florence locals, Chieftain. Honeymoon (real name Victor Gray), the fire eater, provided entertainment for the circus freak part of the show. Singer and Strat-slinger Sienna Chandler was the charismatic star of Monsoon. Their song “Ride a Rolla,” sung in Japanese, was featured in a Toyota Corolla commercial during Super Bowl L. Chieftain had a crazy guitarist who would flop around on the floor while playing, and other band members would pass the instruments around to people in the audience, letting them play. After Monsoon and Chieftain finished, it was time for BA to hit the stage.
They started with “Blows Your Ass Out,” then Michael screamed into the mic “Alright motherfuckers, we’re Bikini Atol! Prepare to get your asses blown out!” (Again, this was meant in the most endearing way possible.)
Next, they blasted into high speed with “Straight-Up Transcend, [15]” helping the audience attain nirvana before settling into the rest of the set. When it was time to introduce the band members, their stage names were revealed. They were Sam “Baby Boy” Roy, Steven “Poon-Tail” Herring, Andrew “Lloyd” Hayes, and Michael “Tiddy Bress” Kress, named in honor of Anna’s titty-breast from the unreleased song, “Office Party [16].” Finally, after everyone’s asses were raw, they ended the show on a calmer note with “You Can Smoke in My Car.” With the exception of “New School,” the songs weren’t very jazzy, but BA dressed like some jazz cats [29]. Andrew wore a suit and tie with a vest, Michael wore suspenders and a newsboy cap, Steven wore a bow-tie with his trademark short shorts, and Sam wore thick glasses, a pocket protector, shorts with knee-high socks, and hair in the style of sweet, sweet Waldo from “Hot for Teacher.” Handy Fest would kick off a long streak of shows for the four-piece at The End with even more bands, including Goodbye Skyline, High Society, Throw Hands!, Garganta, Blue Matches, Cosa Nostra, and Space Tyger. When the show was over, they thanked Dio, and asked what to do next. He told them it was time to record as a four-piece.
This Dio instructed; thus, they took heed.
Gary Baker, the bassist for the Backstreet Boys, and the writer of “I Swear,” a hit song for both John Michael Montgomery and All-4-One, shopped at the Verizon Wireless where Sam and Steven worked, and they sometimes chatted with him about music. He told them, since they helped him with his phone, that he could cut them a deal at Noise Block, the recording studio he owned. Baker didn’t involve himself much in the recording, although he did show his face once or twice. The producer/engineer for this project was Chris Bethea. It would by far be the best thing they’d recorded up until this point. They played everything live in the studio just like they did when practicing or at shows. Everyone used their own equipment. Andrew, Sam, and Steven played in one room while Michael played in another room. Then, Michael went back and rerecorded the lead guitar and vocal tracks. They did everything as quickly as possible, getting in and out in a couple of hours, because they didn’t want to inconvenience a man who helped them so much. For the final product, subtle effects were applied to the instruments and sample replacements were applied to the drums. It sounded great.
BA named the album Bikini Atol Blows Your Ass Out. The cover was a pastiche of Iggy Pop’s album, Lust for Life, with Michael’s wide-eyed, excited face on the front. Steven drew a man’s butt in a thong bikini for the back cover. The butts on the album covers for Going for the One by Yes and Hemispheres by Rush inspired the idea. Being a bodybuilding enthusiast, he wanted to outdo the other two covers with the glutes of a man who trained hard on leg day. The drawing on the CD, of an ass getting blown out, was appropriate for the title. A nine-minute YouTube video was made for the EP with a slideshow of band photos and Steven’s artwork. The song “Blow Your Ass Out” and a spoken word piece were removed from the EP for the video after the band decided those two tracks were filler.
Next, they would branch out from The End to play at 116 E Mobile for their CD release concert. 116 hosted acts such as John Paul White, Patterson Hood, Jonathan Richman, and The Pollies. 116 had a great location, across from a bar called Wildwood Tavern, where Red Mouth and Tony White bartended. People would sometimes walk back and forth between the venues. 116 also served drinks, and Albert Rothstein worked there, both bartending and selling tickets at the door.
The CD release was an important show for BA, so they invested in promotion. They posted the show all over the internet. They put Steven’s flyers up all over town, on the bulletin boards that filled the halls of the University of North Alabama and on the telephone poles that lined the streets of downtown Florence. Establishments like On the Rocks, aka OTR (the one mentioned in “I Don’t Want to Go Out Tonight”), Ricatoni’s, and The Chicago Café, allowed BA to put large flyers in their windows. Several hand-sized fliers were handed out to friends and random people on the street, in bars, at parties, and at shows. Often, they would hear “I already have one,” accompanied by an eye-roll, when handing them out. This didn’t slow BA down though.
Steven even got the show mentioned when he was featured in the Times Daily. Here’s an excerpt: Another new friend is Steven Herring. Steven is a Solutions Specialist with the Verizon store in Florence. We found him to be the most knowledgeable person on cell phone problems in all the Verizon stores in our area – and we visited each store searching for help! Above all else, Steven is an accomplished musician. He is a member of the Bikini Atol Band [sic] and they will be performing on Saturday, July 9th at Downtown Florence, 116 East Mobile Street. The show begins at 8 p.m. and we hope to be there! For more information, go online to: Bikini.Atol
Another promotional tool was the bitchin’ merch. BA had CDs, decals, t-shirts, and beer koozies. Illustrations for the merch included the faces of all four band members, and the butt from the album cover. There was a life-sized fathead of Michael in his Doc Martens and light-blue button-down shirt. Seated next to the fathead, making the sales, were Rachel Herring and Jessica Herring, because if your band doesn’t have merch girls, you aren’t really a band. Anyone, male, female, or non-binary, who wore a bikini, could get into the show free, but there were no takers. Playing at 116 was a special treat because of the PA system. The drums and amps were mic’d and the vocals came through the PA loud and clear. Scott came by to introduce the band like he always did at The End. BA played many of the classics and all the new songs.
BA was determined to take the butt theme as far as it would go. One Halloween, they had a show lined up with Bad Ethyl and Sunday @ Six at The End, and Steven published the flyer as “Nightmare on Butt Street.” Andrew purchased Iggy Pop’s CD, Brick by Brick, at Pegasus, and suggested they cover his song, “Butt Town.” They learned the song and played it at the show.
When it was time for BA to go onstage, Alex Rivers got up to introduce the band. He said, “If you like butt jokes, then you’ll love this band. Please welcome Bikini Atol.”
They didn’t need Dio to tell them that their butt phase was nearly over.
Michael and Steven were so obsessed with Iggy at this time that they flew to Philadelphia, PA to see him play. The opening act was Noveller, a solo instrumental guitarist who used multiple effects to create an ambient sound. Iggy’s band consisted of Josh Homme and other members of Queens of the Stone Age. They wore red and black three-piece suits. As expected, Iggy went shirtless. To honor David Bowie’s passing, they played songs from The Idiot and Lust for Life, which were produced by Bowie. They also played songs from Post Pop Depression, which featured the band playing with Iggy that night. Michael and Steven had fourth row seats that gave them a chance to get close to Iggy when he stage-dived.
When it was time for Iggy to take his dive, he found a fat man in the front row. He said “Come here, big boy,” and jumped right on top of him.
The crowd passed Iggy around, and Michael and Steven tried but failed to make contact with him. (A couple of years later when Michael and Sam saw Iggy perform in Las Vegas, Michael would finally get to touch him. Michael got to rub Iggy’s shoulder while a girl was giving Iggy a hand job. The girl offered to let Sam smell her fingers, but, for some strange reason, Sam only thanked her for the offer and declined.)
While Michael and Steven were in the Philadelphia, they saw the Liberty Bell. They also did a tour of some of the Georgian buildings where many of the country’s founders wrote their documents. This trip was during the height of the 2016 Presidential election, and while learning all this American history, Steven asked Michael what he thought the founders would think about Hillary’s emails. Michael told him that there was no way to know unless you had a time machine. Everywhere they went was within walking distance from their hotel. They had authentic Philly cheesesteaks for almost every meal.
Upon returning to Florence, BA had a show lined up, opening the CD release show of Strange Waves’s album, Walls. The opening band was Glass Rivers from Memphis. At first, BA was going to get Cody Gaisser to play keyboard with them for the show. He practiced with them a few times, bringing his Yamaha YC-10 Combo Organ to jam on. He wasn’t able to play the show, but they had a blast the few times they jammed with him. They added covers of “Dr. Love” by KISS and “Dancing with Myself” by Generation X to their set.
As usual, BA rocked the house [30], but this night was all about Strange Waves and the songs from their new album. Evan Sandy is a drummer who gets around, and he was with Strange Waves at this time, among other bands. In addition to the songs on Walls, they played “In the Shade (Silverback).” Guitarists Jeremy Couch and Jackson Gilreath sang most of the songs, but to close out the set, bassist Joseph Whitehead sang “Wolves,” the last song on the album.
After the show, BA prayed to Dio. He told them to play outside the Shoals area.
This Dio instructed; thus, they took heed.
BA’s next adventures would be the dive-bar circuit of Huntsville, AL, which consisted of Maggie Meyers Irish Pub and Copper Top Dive N’ Dine. Both venues had decent food, hot bartenders, and plenty of beer, so it was a good time. Maggie Meyers sometimes hosted punk acts such as The Queers, Richie Ramone, and Ronnie Ramone. Bands BA shared Maggie’s stage with were Big Gaping Holes, with their Blink-182 inspired pop-punk, and Camacho, who sounded like a mix of Billy Joel and Coheed and Cambria. It was at these out-of-town shows that Andrew, Sam, and Steven started singing gang vocals. This gave Michael even more freedom to dance, because he didn’t have to sing all the time. The three would take over singing some of the lyrics to “Someone Turn the Light On,” “Cro-Magnon Man,” “I Don’t Want to Go out Tonight,” “Zombie Jesus,” and others, while Michael danced all over the stage. They also added call-and-response vocals to “Dave [18].”
Dive bars like Maggie Meyers and Copper Top aren’t just about the music, they’re also about the party, and BA always brings the party, sometimes a costume party. One Halloween, they had a show at Copper Top with Jonny and the Black Frames and Naked Bitch Avalanche (NBA). In a last-minute rush for a costume, Michael went to Halloween Express and bought the cheapest thing he could find, a mullet wig, which, in addition to his painted-on moustache and denim jacket, made him look exactly like Mink Deville. One of the other bands scheduled that night was unable to make it, but Handsome Mick’s One-Man Band, from Chicago, IL, saved the day by filling in the opening slot last minute. He kicked his bass drum, shredded his guitar, and sang his hilarious lyrics, warming up the crowd for BA. For BA’s set, some girls came up and danced for a couple of songs, but most of the crowd just sat at the bar. That was until they started playing “Where Eagles Dare” by The Misfits. Andrew, Sam, and Steven did the gang vocals for the chorus, screaming “I ain’t no goddamn son of a bitch!” When that happened, all the drunk Misfits fans came up and started singing along. People love that line.
The Mink Deville costume went over so well that BA decided they should all dress up, so they got costumes for a Halloween house party they were playing in Tuscumbia, AL. Andrew was The Ultimate Warrior, complete with fake muscles, Michael was Freddy Kreuger, Sam was Paul Rudd from Role Models dressed as Paul Stanley, and Steven was a skeleton.
At this point, Michael was working on his stage-banter in between songs. Sam and Steven wrote out the banter for him to use at the party. To kick off “Zombie Jesus,” he said, “This song is about when you’re studying real hard, and you’re trying to pass your class, and you take too much Adderall, and you start to hallucinate. That’s when you see that…Zombie Jesus.” Before “Cro-Magnon Man,” even though there were mostly men there, he’d say, “Some of you girls are so beautiful, you make me wanna go back to the Cro-Magnon days, and become a Cro-Magnon man!” For “Dave,” he said, “Alright everybody, now we’re going to take a trip into the future! 2001. In this little vignette, Hal sings to Dave.” After “Dave,” was the Dave speech [19], a fun commentary about the protagonist in the movie 2001.
Michael hadn’t memorized the speech yet, so he read it out loud off a piece of paper he held in his hand. The plan was to throw the paper out into the crowd, much like a guitarist might throw picks, leaving a souvenir for the lucky fan who caught it. However, the plan didn’t work. Nobody caught the paper. It just fell on the floor and stayed there, waiting to be thrown in the trash later. It was a tough crowd that night, one that was more into deathcore than BA’s style of music. They just stared at the band like they hated them, never applauding or showing any interest at all.
Dio laughed at this situation with his usual patience. He hit a joint, took a sip of wine out of his goblet, and said “If they don’t like rock ‘n’ roll, then it’s too late now, because you already rocked their faces, but Michael, rock stars don’t read speeches off papers, so you’ll have to memorize the ‘Dave’ speech.”
This Dio instructed; thus, he took heed.
The second house party they played was on New Year’s Eve at Stephanie Lucus’s house. They decided to play their entire catalog at this party. They weren’t used to playing all the songs, and were rusty on a some of them, but somehow thought they could pull it off. Sam didn’t want to do the show, but begrudgingly went along with the decision to play. With Lemmy Kilmister and Phil Taylor from Motorhead both recently passing away, they decided to do a tribute cover of “Ace of Spades.” The night they practiced the cover, Sam wasn’t there, so the other three practiced it without him, thinking that was all they needed to do. The night of the party, they fumbled the unpracticed songs, and “Ace of Spades” completely fell apart. The partiers probably didn’t notice the mistakes, but then again, they all seemed more interested in playing beer pong than watching a rock band. Stephanie was gracious to allow them to play, but they should’ve declined her invitation. After they finished, a rave DJ provided the entertainment, a better fit for the party.
The band decided they’d try playing a third house party, again in Florence, thinking the third time would be a charm. When they arrived, there were rave DJs and laser lights, just like Electric Daisy Carnival. There was a nice outdoor stage and PA, and lots of people at the party, so BA was stoked. It was already late when the first band, Sunraider, started playing. When Sunraider was done, BA was ready to rock the house. They loaded the drums and heavy amps up onto the large stage, and when it was all set up, they plugged in and were about to strike the first note. That’s when two Florence police officers walked up and told them they had to shut it off. Even though the closest neighbors were far off, Sunraider was so loud that they heard them and called the cops. It turned out the third time was not a charm. The only upside was that Andrew found a bag of weed out in the driveway, but even then, it was only tops and leaves.
“Times are tough, men,” said Dio. “But don’t fret. This is nothing compared to the problems I faced when I replaced Ozzy Osbourne in Black Sabbath. Ozzy’s fans hated me. During our Heaven and Hell tour, many of them would boo me and flip me off. Once, a guy threw a beer bottle at Geezer Butler and knocked him out cold. But there’s always a lesson to be learned. House parties obviously aren’t your thing, so you should stick with playing venues. However, your catalog is not large enough, so you should focus on that first.”
This Dio instructed; thus, they took heed.
Per Dio’s instructions, they got back to recording. Setting up the 16-track in the practice room, they recorded the same way as the first album, only as a four-piece this time, with vocal harmonies, and with better mics. Michael bought an MXL 9000 tube condenser mic to record vocals and use as an overhead for the drums. They bought a few Shure SM57s and SM58s for recording individual drums. These Shure mics also replaced the cheaper vocal mics the band was using during rehearsal. Two guitar tracks, panned left and right, created a wider sound, and Andrew added his personality to the bass. The songs they recorded were “Amanda Bandit [20],” “Buzzcut (Why I Shaved My Head) [21],” “Every Day I Wear the Mask [22],” “Coffee at Night [23],” “Dangerous Music [24],” and “Travolta.”
“Amanda Bandit” was about a lover stealing your stuff and ruining your records. “Amanda” stacked her ex’s records like playing cards. Anyone who’s collected knows that warps the hell out of them. “Coffee at Night,” about caffeinated fornication, had a bass and drum intro leading into twin-guitar harmonies. “Buzzcut (Why I Shaved My Head)” was about the prodigal son from Luke 15: 11-32, although there’s no head shaving in the Bible story. Michael wrote the melody while bored at his side job. He hit record on his phone and sang a wordless melody into it, going “la la la la.” He then emailed the recording to Sam to write words for. He wrote “Every Day I Wear the Mask” in a similar way, and BA recorded it with the other songs, but it didn’t make the cut for the album.
At first, they struggled with “Dangerous Music.” They prayed to Dio, but still weren’t able to make a spoken word piece fit until Michael invited Luke Wright into the studio. Luke came in and cut two vocal tracks right off the cuff, perfectly. Dio works in mysterious ways. “Dangerous Music” was followed by its companion piece, “Travolta,” a Ventures-style instrumental with a sentimental feel. (When they played these two songs live, Michael introduced them by dedicating them to the Holy Trinity of Rock N’ Roll, Little Richard, Bo Diddley, and Chuck Berry. On Berry’s ninetieth birthday, they played it as a special tribute, with Michael pointing out that Berry didn’t look a day over sixty, because “Black don’t crack.” Later, when he passed, they would dedicate it to his memory.)
Next, the four would go into the studio to re-record all the songs featured on the first album. This time, it would be engineered by Danley Murner and Albert Rothstein. Red Mouth came in to help with production. Instead of the equipment they usually used, the studio provided the equipment. Setup took several hours, and BA had many songs to record, so it took all of a long, tedious day to finish. After recording with the full band, the time came for Michael to re-record the vocals on overdub, but his voice was already blown out, even though he tried using Clear Voice Vocal Spray. (Perhaps not the most punk thing to do. Would GG Allin use Clear Voice?) So, his singing was raspy and he wasn’t able to hit every note the way he liked.
Steven tried to motivate Michael by asking him “Do you have AIDS?” referencing the fact that Freddie Mercury recorded the vocals for Innuendo with full-blown AIDS, while Michael couldn’t even record with a sore throat.
But Michael wasn’t the badass that Freddie was, so he had to reschedule another day when he was fresh. This time, it was at Warehouse 414, in Sheffield, AL, and was another all-day event. When everything was finally done, they sent the songs recorded at Pegasus and the songs recorded by Danley to Chris Bethea for touching up. They took the best of both sessions and compiled them with songs from Blows your Ass Out, for the Gold album. A live version of “Zombie Jesus,” recorded by Marcus Sanders at The End, would be the last song on this compilation album.
So, it was time for another CD release concert, their Golden Ticket show, at a record, coffee, and book store called Blank Coffee, in Seven Points of Florence, owned by Patrick McDonald and Jeremy Cole. In addition to the new CDs, two new shirts were for sale. One was a red shirt, probably the most comfortable shirt ever, with the softest fabric, and had Steven’s drawing of a picture he took of Michael in front of a kabuki theater on their Philadelphia trip. It was based on “Kabuki Bukkake Karaoke [25],” one of BA’s edgiest songs that they often performed live, but never released on a recording. The other shirt had a drawing of a bomb labeled “XXX [31].” It came in both yellow and black. Blank Coffee was near a McDonald’s, and they couldn’t be too loud, so they decided to switch things up and play semi-unplugged.
Dio said “Playing unplugged seems like bullshit to me, but do whatever it takes for the gig.”
Kate Tayler Hunt came in to play violin, and also harmonized vocally, something Michael rarely got to do. Sam play a tambourine and Steven played acoustic, while Andrew and Michael stuck with their usual electrics, turned down. They debuted “Postmodern Crash [26],” a song then so new it wasn’t even on Gold. The room they played in was so small that it was even more intimate than their usual shows. They were level with the crowd, and could get shoulder-to-shoulder with any audience member.
The Blank Coffee show went so well that they decided they could do acoustic shows like that here and there, just to add some variety. So, whenever Tommy Womack, an acoustic act himself, offered to do a show with them at Champy’s Chicken in Sheffield, they were ready. Along with the change in their sound, they had to keep the usual profanity to a minimum, leaving out some of the edgier songs in the set. They used capos on a few of the songs that started off the set, but Michael forgot to put his on, and chaos ensued. Usually, BA could recover from mistakes by acting like they never happened and not stopping, but this time they just fell apart. They had to stop and start all over again from scratch. But whenever they got going again, it was a decent set. It’s been said that if a song doesn’t sound good on acoustic, then it’s a weak song, and these shows helped BA grow and become more versatile, teaching them they didn’t necessarily have to use volume and distortion as a crutch.
BA’s next adventure would be to rock the state of Tennessee, a sort of homecoming for Michael and Sam. When Sam was a student at MTSU, he would sometimes hang out and drink at The Boro, a bar near the college in Murfreesboro, so returning there to play was a special treat for him. The Southern Shame was an outlaw country act that played there regularly, and they were able to book BA as openers. Next, they finally got to play in the big city of Nashville, at Springwater Supper Club & Lounge. There weren’t many people there, but they rocked the house anyway. Murfreesboro and Nashville were several miles north of Florence, taking hours for a round trip, costing them gas money and sleep, but rock ‘n’ roll was worth the sacrifice.
Next, they’d head southward in the opposite direction, to Tuscaloosa and Birmingham. The Tuscaloosa show was at Egan’s Bar, near the University of Alabama (Roll Tide). Fraternities and sororities were partying that night, so Andrew and Michael stood outside the bar, handing flyers to college kids, but none of them seemed interested. Everyone in the bar was way over college age, but BA rocked their old asses. The young people didn’t know what they missed.
The Birmingham show was a three-way battle of the bands at Zydeco, a concert venue with a great stage and PA, if not the greatest crowd. They had a lot of equipment to carry, so they had to take two vehicles. Andrew rode in Michael’s car and Steven rode in Sam’s car. They arrived in Birmingham early, so they ate at Dreamland BBQ. When they got to Zydeco, they saw the bands seemed to be randomly picked; perhaps it was an unintentionally eclectic mix. The opening act was a Christian rap group, and they spit some great verses, but left immediately after performing. BA went on second, being sandwiched between the rappers and the last group, who sounded like a mix between Creed and Nickelback. At the end of the show, the crowd’s applause would determine the winner. First were the rappers, who received one isolated, reluctant clap. Next was BA, who received loud applause from all four BA members. The last band received a deafening amount of applause from the legion of groupies they brought with them, so they were announced the winners. It was another defeat for the band, but they weren’t about to give up. Whether they’re playing shows with rap, country, deathcore, Creed-core, or Nickel-core bands, they always give 100%. After the show, BA hung out and mingled with the crowd for a little while. There was a guy playing acoustic who they listened to before they left. It was a Sunday, and everybody had to go to their side jobs in the morning, so they couldn’t hang out all night. On the way back, they listened to Creed as a tribute to the victors.
The closing of venues all over the Shoals area in recent years has been heartbreaking, but a slight upside to this tragedy is that when one closes, another may open. When Pegasus and The End closed, Underground Art and Sound, ran by Carter Cothren and Kirk Russell, was there to fill the void. “Underground” was a double-entendre because it hosted underground music and also was literally under the ground. At the corner of Court St and Tennessee St, music fans walked down the steps into this dungeon of a record store. Kirk booked BA their first gig at the venue. It was also their first gig at a record store since the days of the Excaliber show, and their first gig with Random Conflict. BA worked at promoting the show, and gave Bill Conflict several of the flyers to put up and hand out, because he’s always been active in promoting shows organically and online. Another promotional tool BA used was to give free beer to the audience, which could, in addition to loosening up the crowd, bring in alcoholics who didn’t care about the bands, but might become fans.
At some venues, things can possibly get boring, because there may be nothing to do besides look at your phone while waiting on the bands, but that’s not a problem at record stores because you can browse the shelves during intermission. Underground Art and Sound had a great selection and great pricing, plus the different records could be a conversation ice-breaker and familiar topic among friends. Hopefully, bands playing would bring more customers to the store, increasing sales. If not, it’s a known fact that the bands themselves purchase records. It’s a great, if not the best, form of retail therapy. You could drink free beer while shopping for records. What more could you want? Random Conflict’s hardcore punk album, Tradition is the Enemy, was available on the store shelves and Random Conflict’s merch booth, both in 12” and CD format. If you’re in a band or have been a roadie, you know how much of a workout loading equipment can be, and at this venue, the steep steps made it so you got an extra workout, almost like moving furniture, but BA members were all jacked, so it was no problem. BA opened up the show with their humorous party vibe, and Random Conflict closed it out with their uncompromising aggression. It was a night to remember.
A band is like a family, but despite all of the shows and recording BA had done, they never got to spend enough quality time together. This had to change. Shannon Wells was an experienced photographer who agreed to do a photo shoot of the band. Dio suggested they make a day out of it. They were all to meet at Steven’s house, go hang out in Florence, then meet Shannon later for the shoot. Michael and Sam showed up at Steven’s earlier than Andrew, and Steven’s neighbor, “Rockin’” Roland Fontaine, drummer for Audiovysion, came over and introduced himself, inviting Michael and Sam to come over and check out his sound room. Roland had a large, Neil Peart-style drum set, with several toms, which Sam had the privilege of playing. When Andrew showed up, they headed to Champy’s Chicken to get lunch. Next, they went to Counts Brothers Music to jam on all the instruments. They didn’t buy anything except for a couple of records. Then it was time for the photo shoot. Shannon met them at McFarlane Park and took pictures of them in front of a snow cone stand. There was a girl there in short shorts, and Shannon convinced her to stand in front of the band, acting like she was bending over to pick something up, while the band sat behind her, pretending not to notice. She took several clever photos like that, and they put the best ones up in the cloud for viewing.
Sam was so inspired by Rockin’ Roland’s drum set that he convinced the other three band members to go watch Audiovysion play at Singin’ River Brewery, located across the street from BA’s practice room. Another band that played that show was Bad Ethyl. Bad Ethyl featured Resden Webster playing a Yamaha Attitude bass, J.J. Bartlett shredding a Dean electric guitar, and Jamie Rowsey on drums.
This experience got the band wanting to go see more mainstream bands together. Sam and Steven went to see Danzig play in Memphis, TN. This would be a trip that involved a lot of alcohol. Once the two arrived in Memphis, they started consuming icy drinks with Everclear mixed in. Anyone who has tried this beverage will know that it didn’t take long for them to get good and drunk. In fact, it was the drunkest Steven has ever been in his life. After finishing their drinks, they decided to get some ribs at Charlie Vergos’ Rendezvous. They decided to take a photo of themselves feeding each other the ribs, but didn’t have the ability to do it properly. A drunk mind can have interesting ideas, but may have difficulty acting on them. When Sam was done eating, he went to the bathroom to pee. His lack of coordination forced him to sit down while peeing. Then he passed out on the bathroom floor and puked all his rips up. After he came to, he wanted some pussy, so he got down on his hands and knees and chased a cat down an alley. To Sam’s dismay and to the cat’s relief, he never caught it. After this failure, the two headed back to Steven’s car to take a short nap. When they woke up, still drunk, they headed to the show. Sam had managed to get vomit and barbeque sauce all over himself and Steven’s car, but on their way to the show, they met a mensch who charged them five dollars to clean it all up while also looking out for cops. When they finally got to the show and were watching Danzig play, Phil Anselmo, who was the opening act, was almost as drunk as Sam and Steven. He got up onstage and interrupted Danzig’s set like a drunk girl at a bar.
BA West
For years, The End was considered by many to be the most important staple of Florence’s underground music scene, and owner Scott Long, in addition to hosting bands, had his own projects in the works there, such as plays he’d written, and Sustainable Differences, an improv comedy group he was part of. When The End shut down and The Escape Room replaced it, this forced Scott to move his projects elsewhere. Thankfully, 116 E Mobile was there to help. One of Scott’s major events there was his 45th birthday party, with his favorite local bands playing. Scott invited BA, and of course they were down. Scott would sing a song with most bands at the concert, and the song he chose for BA was “Dead Souls” by Joy Division. They worked up the music, and one night Scott came by the practice room at Pegasus to sing with them. (Even though Pegasus had closed the retail section, they still had the practice rooms temporarily available.)
It sounded good, and things were looking up, until Sam’s side job at Optinet moved him to Las Vegas. This devastated the rest of BA and they didn’t know what to do. In times like these they always prayed to Dio, and he never failed them. As it turned out, the answer was obvious. There were several drummers around town, and most of them were down to play with whoever. Since Sam was a founding member, they got his blessing before moving forward with the plan. They contacted Scott and he told them about Conner Puckett, Evan Sandy’s replacement in Strange Waves. Stange Waves was practicing at their guitarists’ house, and they agreed to let BA practice there too. This was convenient because the two bands shared a drummer, and the drums were always set up in the living room for both bands. BA gave Conner a CD to practice to, but only got to rehearse with him a few times before the big show.
Finally, it was time for BA to go onstage with Sam’s replacement. They kicked off the show with Scott singing “Dead Souls” and Michael singing backup on the choruses. When Scott exited the stage, they wished him a happy birthday and got on with the rest of the set. Conner complained about not being able to hear anything except drums, but there was nothing they could do. The result of this inconvenience was that Conner didn’t know when to stop, so he kept playing a few seconds after every song ended. This, like so many other things, added to BA’s amateurish charm. Other bands playing the show were Tempter, Furniture, The Acorn People, Ash of Eden, and Kill. Scott sang covers with every band except Kill. He sang “Sleeping in the Fire” by W.A.S.P. with Ash of Eden, “War Pigs” by Black Sabbath with The Acorn People, and “The Distance” by Cake (a song that suited his voice) with Furniture.
Next, they had to plan for another show with Conner. The only venue left in Florence besides 116 E Mobile that would host BA was Underground Art and Sound, so they asked Carter Cothren if they could play another show there. He obliged, and since they were practicing at Strange Waves’s house, it was convenient to split the bill with them. The only problem was that since Conner played with both bands, he needed a rest before doing his second set, so there had to be an intermission. At the last minute, they got comedian Duell “Fucking” Aldridge to do a stand-up set in-between bands. This was an interesting situation, because, with the exceptions of a couch at the back of the store and a stool for the person working behind the counter, it was standing room only. Comedians usually do sets in front of a seated audience, but the only people seated here sat Indian-style on the floor. BA’s set was a blast, and Conner did a great job. David Bowie had recently died, and they did a cover of “Rebel Rebel” as a tribute. But the most exciting part for BA was finding out that Sam was flying in to visit his girlfriend and future wife, Stacy Verros, and he would be at the show. He played some songs with the band, and it’s the only show they ever played with two drummers. Tiffany Elyse took several great photos of the show.
After the show, BA discussed Sam’s job in Las Vegas. Sam said he could get them jobs out there if they wanted. Andrew and Steven declined.
Michael prayed to Dio. “Go,” Dio said. “You may never, never, never get another opportunity like this.”
The only thing keeping Michael in Florence was BA, and since Sam was already in Vegas, they thought they’d try to form a band there. Michael had a side job that wasn’t worth keeping, and Optinet paid more. Sam put in a good word for Michael, and one night Brian O’Neal met him in Lowe’s parking lot for an interview. Brian offered him the job and told him to drive out to Vegas. But before Vegas, BA had one more show with Conner Atol, this time at The Comic Shop in Decatur, on March 4, 2017, with Johnny Black & the Jbirds, Ever Dying Kings, and Devilsteef. Devilsteef was a big draw, so BA hoped for a large crowd, but the opening bands only had a small crowd. When Devilsteef was about to play, all the people started coming in. The place was packed. Michael sat at BA’s merch booth, hoping someone from the huge crowd would buy something, but they never did. He was tired of the Alabama scene and ready to head out West.
When Michael got to Las Vegas, the original BA was reunited. Sam didn’t plan on playing any music when he moved there, so he didn’t bring all his equipment. Michael had to stop by Sam’s Florence apartment to pick up his cymbals. The house Michael and Sam would live in was in Henderson, NV, just outside of Vegas. Upon arrival, Michael broke out his Takamine acoustic guitar and they started working on songs, with Sam showing him new things he was writing. They also jammed on some covers, just for fun. When the Optinet employees had a party Brian O’Neal’s house on Recital Street in Las Vegas, BA brought the acoustic and played the covers, with originals mixed in. Sam couldn’t bring his whole drum set, so he just played tambourine. Originals they did were “You Can Smoke in my Car” and “Amanda Bandit.” It was a super-intimate setting, so they even talked about the lyrics and writing process with friends at the party. For covers, they did “Last Dance with Mary Jane” by Tom Petty, “The Weight” by The Band, “Long Haired Country Boy” by Charlie Daniels, and “Family Tradition” by Hank Williams Jr. But the highlight of the evening was when they did “Wild Thing” by The Troggs, with the late, great Brian O’Neal singing lead.
This experience reminded BA of how fun playing acoustic was, but along with the pleasures came problems. Las Vegas is in the middle of a desert, and BA’s acoustic guitars weren’t used to that type of dryness. The necks became warped, so they took them to J&E Guitars for repair. Then, they purchased a humidifier for the house so it wouldn’t happen again.
After their first Vegas show, they started recording. They decided to rework some more of the songs from the first album, again with improved quality. Given their past experience, they didn’t want to play too loud at the house, for fear of the neighbors calling the cops, so they rented a practice room at Guitar Center. Some songs they redid there were “I Don’t Mind,” “Cruel Love [27],” and “Shane [28].” For “I Don’t Mind,” they added harmony vocals, a melodic guitar, and a solo. For “Cruel Love,” they changed the rhythm guitar from electric to acoustic, recorded with Sam’s tube mic. They changed the chord progression for the chorus and added a bridge, then added harmony vocals and a guitar solo. For “Shane,” the ode to their ex-bandmate in Lady Space, they added a bridge. These songs averaged around two-minutes before, but the changes pushed them closer to the three-minute mark.
Next, they got on Craigslist to look for bassists. The first few bassists didn’t work out. One potential bassist lost interest after learning more about BA. One guy, who claimed to be friends with the Goo Goo Dolls, was flaky and never showed up. It looked like BA might be a two-piece again, a situation they weren’t thrilled about. They rented out another practice space and jammed there a few times, but decided they couldn’t do Vegas shows without bass. Then they found Mark Russie on Craigslist. He liked different kinds of music like jazz, but also had a cool, punk-rock attitude. He seemed like a perfect fit for the band. They emailed him recordings of their songs, and agreed to meet him one day at the practice room. He and his wife, also a musician, showed up, and introductions were made. The good part came next, when they started jamming. He already knew how to play the songs, and could sing too, so they sounded good and were almost ready to do shows that day. Michael and Sam were surprised, impressed, and stoked. He agreed to let them practice at his house, so they were able to stop renting the practice space.
They practiced a few more times at Mark’s house, and were ready for their second Vegas gig, at Evel Pie on June 17, 2017, with War Called Home, a skate punk band from Vegas, and Crash Overcast, a pop punk band from California. Evel Pie was a new dive bar, right on Fremont Street, party central. The bar’s theme was based on daredevil Evel Knievel, and always had pizza and beer specials. Mark’s daughter, Amanda, was the merch girl. She took a BA shirt, got some scissors to cut it up, and started pushing the merch. She turned out to be a great salesperson, and BA sold more merch than they had in a while. It was a fun show, but was held outdoors in the dry heat, and Michael’s Stratocaster went out of tune. He re-tuned, but by this time they’d already been playing a while.
Being a Vegas local, Mark had connections for booking gigs. This was much to Michael and Sam’s delight, because they didn’t know anybody. Mark had friends at the Double Down Saloon, where he booked their next gig, with Vegas locals and Double Down regulars, In Theaters Friday. Double Down, home of the fabled Ass Juice, was an even trashier dive bar than Evel Pie. This time, they couldn’t get a merch girl, so they got a merch boy, Optinet employee Sean Tagliavore (aka GQ). They objectified his body to push the merch. GQ was a gym rat, so he wore a tight “Kabuki Bukkake Karaoke” shirt that hugged his biceps and pectorals. This worked well as a marketing technique. They sold a few shirts and CDs. Double Down was indoors, so they didn’t have the same weather problem as at Evel Pie, and the Strat stayed in tune. The audience enjoyed it, and things were looking up. Now it was time for them to make their first real video.
Before coming to Vegas, they decided “When Your Luck Runs Out” would be a great song for a video there, because the lyrics were about gambling, and Vegas was casino central. With Evel Pie and 11th Street Records both nearby, BA loved the Fremont Street area. The casinos, street performers, and freaks also added to its appeal. A true high roller needs a suit, and Michael was going to buy a cheapo, but Sam convinced him to buy a fitted one that cost five hundred dollars. He got a pair of white Converses and a fresh haircut, with plenty of hair product to go with it. Although Michael was the star of the video, Sam was the mastermind behind it. It took three nights of filming to get enough content.
The intro for the video, before the song started, was of two street performers drumming on five-gallon buckets. One drummer threw his stick up in the air, and when he caught it, that’s when Sam’s snare hit, starting the song. For the intro and the instrumental sections, Sam filmed images along the street. There was the giant high heeled shoe, the fluorescent cowboy on a horse, the giant martini glass, Four Queens hotel, White Castle, and the “canopy.” The tourists and performers added to the action in the video. Other folks in the video were a steel drum player, a hair-metal guitarist, a man with a blow-up doll, a woman dancing in the street, bikini girls dancing on the table in front of Golden Gate, Satan posing for pictures with tourists, the Easter Bunny lighting a cigarette, and a man giving Michael’s broke ass a dollar. Sam made a cameo appearance buying a beer in his sleeveless Ghost t-shirt.
The vocal sections of the video featured Michael lip synching. Since he always danced around onstage, he did the same for the video (so much that he almost backhanded a girl). There were shots of him singing in different places on the street, with one shot of him in front of a giant six-sided die. The excitement escalated when other tourists and partiers joined him. Sam told Michael to walk toward him while Sam walked backward, filming. The crowd came walking up, and noticing the spectacle, joined in on the dancing for the camera. It created the illusion of planning, though it was all spontaneous.
One man told the camera, “Lights out, bitches!”
The most entertaining character in the video was lawyer and Las Vegas mayoral candidate Michael Troy Moore, aka “Rock Out with My Cock Out.” The first time Michael and Sam saw him, he was wearing a rooster themed thong and playing his Paul Reed Smith electric guitar for tips. His counterpart, an older man wearing a thong and red angel wings in the theme of Cupid, performed beside him. Although his attire was provocative, the old man kept it classy by wearing heart shaped pasties on his nipples. On their first shoot on Fremont, they filmed the two men but didn’t get involved. However, when they returned for a second shoot, they got the courage to approach Moore about being a major part of the video. They explained to Moore that it was a music video, so he would need to know the chords to the song. Michael Kress taught Michael Troy Moore the chords for the verse. It didn’t have to be perfect, so they didn’t bother with the chorus. Surprisingly, this was the first time Kress ever gave a naked man a guitar lesson. He hoped it wouldn’t be the last. Now it was time to film Kress and Moore together. Kress stood behind Moore with his arm around him and sang while Moore played the chords.
After filming Moore playing guitar in his birthday suit, it was time to film Kress playing guitar in his 3-piece suit. He guitar synched his solo in front of a mannequin of a pregnant woman and several decapitated mannequin heads. The final scene they shot was of Michael playing a losing game on a slot machine. The video can be viewed on YouTube.
The second Evel Pie gig would be a special one, for two reasons: first, it would be the start of many gigs Michael would play with his suit, and second, it would be with one of the greatest bands of all time, Little Petie and the Mean Old Men, from Santa Cruz, CA. Petie would go on first, playing their originals, as well as covers of “Kick Out the Jams” by MC5 and “Dancing with Myself” by Generation X, a song BA also covered at 116 E Mobile. BA loved the set and were star-struck. When it was time for BA to go on, they didn’t have the problem of dryness they had before. In fact, it wasn’t dry at all. A couple of songs in, it started raining, which was ironic, because it never rains in Las Vegas. It was the first time BA had seen rain since they’d been there. They wanted to be hardcore, so they kept playing in the rain for a while, covering the electronics with garbage bags, but soon decided that was unwise, for risk of electrocution. BA only got to play about three songs, but they connected with Petie. They traded the Gold CD with Petie for his CD, Santa Cruz Speedball, and agreed to do a show together in his hometown whenever they could arrange it.
Evel Pie was in the middle of all the action, and Las Vegas events like Electric Daisy Carnival and Punk Rock Bowling brought people to the bar. In addition to hosting unknown legends like Little Petie, BA, Alan Six, and Jerk!, sometimes more mainstream characters showed up. Welvin Da Great, of “Deez Nuts” fame, came to the bar and posed for photos with the bartenders; Michael spotted Greg Hetson, from Circle Jerks and Bad Religion, waiting in line to get pizza once; and HeWhoCannotBeNamed, from the Dwarves, played a show there one night. But the greatest fanboy moment for BA was when the Sin City Sinners, featuring Rowan Robertson, played a show there. It was during Punk Rock Bowling, so they played punk covers all night. They did songs by The Ramones, The Clash, and “Holiday in Cambodia” by Dead Kennedys. The dry weather caused their instruments to go way out of tune, just like with BA, so they didn’t sound great, but that didn’t matter. It was Dio’s guitarist, Rowan Robertson, rock royalty. After the band finished playing, Rowan went to the bar to have some drinks. That’s when Sam approached him and talked to him about Dio.
Sam said “I have a special relationship with Dio. I never met him in real life, but my band summons him in a prayer circle.”
Rowan said “I know all about that. I talk to him all the time too.”
BA’s last Las Vegas gig was their second Double Down Saloon gig. This time, they’d be playing with Muertos Heist, Geezus Christ & Free Beer, Agent 86, and One Way to Paradise. While onstage, when thanking the other bands, BA pointed out the common religious theme between “Zombie Jesus,” BA’s song, and Geezus Christ & Free Beer’s name. BA also praised Geezus Christ & Free Beer’s marketing strategy, targeting both Christians and alcoholics. They should have several fans in the Catholic demographic. The two bands were friendly, but BA failed to connect with any of the other bands. They didn’t connect with the audience either. One guy looked like he was rocking out, but most of the drunks in the audience just stared. Some even looked angry. This was the first time Michael used an inline guitar tuner, and when he jumped around, it came unplugged, messing up the music, and causing restlessness in the audience. It started to look like the time the Blues Brothers played at Bob’s Country Bunker. Thank God it never came to that. Nobody threw beer bottles, but they looked ready to.
When they prayed to Dio, they asked him what he thought the problem was.
Dio said “I’ve been watching you. That Halloween house party was a similar situation. Somebody was messing with the audience members and making them hate you. I think it was Baal, the demon. Halloween is a common time for any demon to appear, and that’s when he started tormenting BA. After that, he followed you to the other house parties. He disrupted the New Year’s Eve party, and called the police at the last house party. I’ve had problems with Baal, that son-of-a-bitch. During my days in Rainbow, he pushed my wife, Wendy Dio, down a flight of stairs. She blamed it on me, but I didn’t do it. He’s always tormented great bands. You lost him after you stopped playing house shows. He finally caught up with you again at the second Evel Pie show. Some cultures considered him to be a god of rain, and he brought that rare desert rain while you played. After that, he caught on that you were playing Las Vegas dive bars, so he found you at Double Down. It’s been a good run, but you should move on from the Vegas scene.”
This Dio instructed; thus, they took heed.
After the disastrous Double Down show and the instructions from Dio, BA focused again on writing and recording. They stopped using Guitar Center when they decided drums in the house wouldn’t bother the neighbors. Michael walked outside while Sam banged on the drums. He could barely hear them, so he thought it was fine. Without the time restrictions of Guitar Center, Sam was free to do as many drum takes as he wanted, and he did a lot. Most of the songs they recorded were old ones, but they started working on new ones too.
Michael and Sam wrote the new songs on their acoustic guitars. Sam played the chords and gave Michael a lyric sheet. The first song was “The Kids are Wild Tonight [29].” Michael came up with a guitar melody to play over Sam’s chords, then wrote a high range vocal part. After writing, they recorded the tracks. The next song up was “Tornado Summer [30].” Like “The Kids are Wild Tonight,” it was written acoustically and recorded quickly. On one of their return trips to Tennessee, they did the keyboard tracks. These would be the first two BA songs recorded with keyboard, but wouldn’t be the last.
When BA was in Wichita, KS, Michael and Sam recorded the gang vocals for the “Everybody Wants to Be Free [31].” “Rejoice [32]” and “Disconnect [33]” also had gang vocals. (“Disconnect” had a drum break in the song, but due to Michael foolishly recording the drums too low, some of the drums wouldn’t come through in the final mix.) The album was almost finished. All they had to do now was send the tracks to Chris Bethea in Alabama for mixing and mastering. Tracks for this album were recorded all over the United States, in Kansas, Nevada, and Tennessee; the production was done in Alabama; but the title of the album would be Las Vegas. On their last day before leaving Las Vegas, they shot the album cover photo at Wildfire Casino in Henderson. Sam took a selfie with Michael in the distant background, doing a Townshend style windmill with his Strat. There was a fluorescent sign overhead that said “24 Hours.”
Plans were in the works for BA’s California gig at Poet & Patriot Irish Pub. They set a date, and when the time came, Michael and Sam were both in Wichita. This meant they had to fly without their gear, so the Mean Old Men agreed to let BA play their instruments. Petie warned Michael about his cheap guitar, but Michael wasn’t worried. Mark Russie was in Los Angeles, working on his own album. He drove up to Santa Cruz with his equipment in tow. Michael and Sam booked a weekend round-trip flight from Kansas to California for the gig, even though they both had to be back in Kansas on Monday. It seemed as if they hadn’t shaken off Baal, because Sam left his wallet on the plane when they arrived in Santa Cruz. This was distressing, to say the least. Since the wallet contained Sam’s ID, which he needed to board the return flight, they worried about having to drive all the way back to Wichita. But they never let anything get in the way of their rock. They arrived at the bar, ready to play. The first band to play was Average Jill. Guitarist Rae Gaston gave BA a shout out on stage, misnaming them “Muscle Shoals Revival.” Average Jill rocked the house, and BA had to go after them, so they were nervous. But when Mark, Michael, and Sam summoned Dio, they got a confidence boost. They walked onstage, and as soon as they started playing, the crowd went wild. The looks on the people’s faces were priceless; they’d never seen anything like BA before. They had an edge on Baal, but Baal wasn’t through rock blocking yet. Michael played Petie’s Epiphone guitar, which worked great for Petie’s rhythm playing, but when Michael bent the stings, it went out of tune. This bugged Michael, but didn’t seem to bother the crowd. They kept rocking along. The audience’s eyes were glued to the band for the entire set. When the set was over, Sam got a call from the airline, saying he could board the plane without his ID. Praise Dio; they defeated Baal with their rock!
Optinet let Michael and Sam return home for the holidays, and during Christmas, they planned a four-piece reunion show at 116 E Mobile with Loggerhead and Slugworthy. Tony White was the singer for Slugworthy, and Evan Sandy, who always got around, was the drummer for both Loggerhead and Slugworthy. BA didn’t have anywhere to practice for the show, so John Orman, who bartended at Mr. Norm’s Lounge in Florence, arranged for them do a “practice show” there. There was an H&R Block (aka H&R Rock Block) next door to the bar, so they had to keep the volume down. They started going through the set and made a lot of mistakes, not because of Baal, who they destroyed in California, but because the four-piece hadn’t practiced in over a year. The small bar crowd seemed to like it though. After they’d been playing for a while, one of the tax preparers from next door came by and asked them to turn it down. This was difficult because they were already turned down, and a band with amps and drums can only go so low. They just agreed to turn down and kept on rocking as they were. H&R Block was a boring place anyway and the customers needed some entertainment.
One man in the audience requested “Sweet Home Alabama” by Lynyrd Skynyrd. Although they were Skynyrd fans, BA couldn’t play the song. The man responded by saying “If y’all cain’t play ‘Sweet Home Alabama,’ then ya ain’t worth a damn!” It felt good to be back in Alabama.
After BA was finished rocking Mr. Norms, Michael left, but Andrew, Sam, and Steven hung around to sing karaoke. Sam sang “Brown Sugar” by the Rolling Stones, then Andrew sang an off-key version of “Sweet Home Alabama” to get the drunk redneck off of BA’s case.
When it was time to play 116, they were ready. This time, it wasn’t a practice show; it was the real thing. All the Alabamians who’d been waiting for BA to come back were finally getting to see them again. They weren’t able to do the new songs or the ones they changed, so they just did the standards. It was a great homecoming.
Since BA became friends with Little Petie and the Mean Old Men and it was a dream of both bands to put something out on vinyl, they did a split 7″ together. The BA side would have “The Kids are Wild Tonight,” from Las Vegas, and “Straight-Up Transcend,” the fast and short punk song that can only be found on the 7″. The Petie side had one song; a funny little ditty called “Drugs.” Derol Frye, Petie’s bassist, did the artwork for the cover. For the BA side, he drew a cartoon character meditating over an atomic bomb.
For the Petie side, there was a hand holding a pill bottle doubling as a beer koozie with this on the label:
LP PRESCRIPTION DRUGS
RX #: VRY-NBR8TD DR. HAROLD FEELGOOD
LITTLE PETIE & THE MEAN OLD MEN
TAKE ONE CAN BY MOUTH, REPEAT UNTIL INTOXICATED
LIQUID HAPPINESS 120Z.
QTY: AS MANY AS YOU CAN STOMACH
REFILLS: SURE! EXPIRES: MONDAY
The records came in different colors and had the small holes that didn’t need an adapter. BA put the records up for sale at Blank Coffee, New Way Vinyl, and Counts Brothers Music, all in the Shoals area, and Petie put them up at Streetlight Records in Santa Cruz. This meant it was on the east and west sides of the United States.
Toward the end of their job at Optinet, they moved to Dover, TN, only three-hours from home, and started back working with musicians from that area. Tony White rearranged the chord structure of “You Can Smoke in my Car,” adding an instrumental section and making the song longer. Tony made a rough recording of the new version on acoustic. Michael, Tony, and Sam met at Sam’s house in Florence to discuss the song, make plans to record, and show each other their ideas. Michael and Sam decided to recruit Chris Wilson to play bass on the recording. Chris practiced with BA once in Summertown, and after listening to the song, could play it flawlessly. They never ended up recording with Chris though, and wouldn’t make a good recording of the song until much later.
Other things they did when they moved back home was start learning covers and try to work up a three to four hour set for gigs as a bar band. Sam’s new wave cover band, Let’s Go, with Tony White on vocals, played bars around Florence. But when Sam left for Vegas, they had to get two people to replace him. Yes, it took two people to do the job Sam did on his own. Michael thought BA could do the same kind of thing Let’s Go did. Josh Hamm came to play bass with them in Summertown. He started working on BA originals and they made a long list of covers to work on. They never got the entire set worked up well enough to book any gigs, and it fell apart, but Josh was already a loyal BA fan and still supported them.
BA (Slight Return)
When Michael and Sam’s Optinet job ended, they went on a hiatus. After several months passed, they decided to get the original four-piece together to play at Nu Way Vinyl. It was on short notice, and they didn’t have much time to practice. Their only rehearsal would be at Strange Waves’s house, and Sam wouldn’t be able to make it, so Andrew, Michael, and Steven ran through the songs without him.
Before the show, when BA did their usual ritual, they had a “come to Dio” moment. Dio said “Michael, perhaps you shouldn’t yell so much during your stage banter. I’ve never liked singers who do that. Yelling makes it seem like you’re distant and above the audience. Try talking to them like they’re your friends, with politeness and respect. That’s what I always did.”
“I agree with Ronnie,” said Sam. He looked at Dio. “Did you know Michael calls his audience motherfuckers?”
Dio said “I remember him calling them that at the W.C. Handy show, then telling them they would get their asses blown out.” He turned to Michael. “That was actually pretty cool, but I think it’s time to retire that line.”
Steven said “Listen to Ronnie, Michael. Don’t be a douchebag.”
Andrew said “Yeah Tiddy. Tha fuck’s wrong with you?”
Michael blushed, they all laughed, then Michael shrugged and said “I guess y’all are right. All that screaming blows my voice out anyway.”
This Dio instructed; thus, they took heed. Then they were ready to rock the house.
The show would be a reunion of sorts, with two veterans of The End scene playing, Cheap Thrill DeVille and Random Conflict. Random Conflict played songs from Tradition is the Enemy, and also played songs from their newest EP called Ruin-Nation. Cheap Thrill DeVille played their classics, as well as a cover of “Godzilla” by Blue Oyster Cult. Sunnyside Drive and The Dryvers were two new bands that also played. Several people from the scene were in the audience, including Kirk Bowie Russell, Max Russell, Scott Long, Robin Long, J.J. Bartlett, Josh Hamm, Marcus Sanders, Stacy Verros, Tiffany Elyse, and Drake Spears. BA played the standards, and Michael let the audience to help him sing. “1 Minute to Close” was a comedy song, and Michael held the microphone out to Drake Spears so he could sing a line from the song that went “Hahahaha!” About halfway through the set, Sam’s drums started to move, as they sometimes do, so Luke (now Violet) Hunter placed his body in front of the drums to hold them in place. All this spontaneity, and the way they handled the mistakes, added to the excitement of the show. They did well, considering they hadn’t practiced in a year. Although BA didn’t sell any of the new 7” records, fans showed their appreciation in other ways. Drake Spears wanted a BA decal for his skateboard, but they were out of those. Tiffany took photos of BA playing, then after the show, she took photos of the entire band squeezed inside Sam’s tiny truck with Andrew behind the steering wheel. Stacy Verros took photos of Tiffany with the band. It was one for the books.
After that show, they took an even longer hiatus. In the meantime, Sam played with other musicians, including his brother Matt Roy, his nephew Isaac Roy, and the Barefoot Chiggers. He worked on his own songs, two of which were “Broken Girl [34]” and “Rail Yard [35].” He put the songs on Soundcloud, but they weren’t the same without Michael. Sam’s solo career was not working out. Coronavirus was sweeping across the world, and Michael was laid off from his side job for quarantine, so he had extra time. Sam convinced him they should do something new, recording the tracks dry for an engineer. They did the new version of “You Can Smoke in my Car” first. Michael recorded vocal, guitar, bass, and keyboard tracks to a click on his 16-track, then emailed them to Sam. Sam put them on his Tascam Neo 2488 and added drums. During BA’s hiatus, Sam perfected the art of miking and recording drums, something the band always struggled with. Sam recorded a tambourine track that added even more texture. They sent the tracks to Chris Bethea for mixing and mastering. They liked the mix at first, but later decided the guitar tones weren’t what they wanted, and would have to redo it yet again.
Sam convinced Michael to start working on another full-length album, to be produced and engineered by Zach Thomas. First, they started working on “Broken Girl.” Sam had already spent a lot of time on this, recording all the instruments and vocals. All Michael had to do was redo the vocals and the guitar solo. Michael modeled his solo after Sam’s blueprint of a solo, just cleaning it up and adding some flair. It was fun figuring out what Sam was trying to do in his solo. Michael had to think outside the box guitarists get trapped in when left to their own devices. The descending run in the solo is something Michael never would have played on his own. In fact, it was difficult and took more practice than his standard improvisations. By the time he got a take, the solo was so solid he decided to record an additional track of the exact same solo. He’d doubled many rhythm tracks, but never lead. It was so accurate you couldn’t even tell. At the end of the guitar solo, Sam did a whammy keyboard solo. Michael played a simple guitar line to make the wild keyboard part sound more melodic. Zach later added background vocals to the end of the song.
The next song would be “Rail Yard.” Sam had it ready-made too, so Michael’s work was minimal. This time, he did vocals, guitar, and keyboard. “Rail Yard” would feature both Michael and Sam on keyboard, with Sam’s keys providing an ambient background and Michael’s keys echoing the vocal melody. Again, Michael based his guitar solo on Sam’s solo, but this time added a harmony guitar that wasn’t on Sam’s original solo.
Then it was time for them to try, yet again, to make some of their old songs better. “Jimmy [36]” was a song that was supposed to go on Las Vegas, but they ditched it last minute. It turns out that was the right decision, because they improved it this time. A friend told Sam the main riff sounded like “Hot Blooded” by Foreigner, and because Sam hated that song, he couldn’t stand the thought of that. Michael argued that Foreigner didn’t have a monopoly on sus4 chords, but agreed that the “Jimmy” riff was generic, not even as good as Foreigner’s riff. During uncertain times like this, they prayed to Dio.
Dio said “Don’t knock Foreigner, Sam. Those guys are my friends. My band played shows with them, and our song, ‘Hungry for Heaven’ is on the Vision Quest movie soundtrack alongside ‘Hot Blooded.’ ‘Hot Blooded’ is not my favorite song in the world either, but it was a huge hit for Foreigner. So, who’s to argue with success? In fact, Claude Schnell almost left Dio to play keyboards with Foreigner.”
“What a moron,” said Sam.
“He’s not a moron,” said Dio. “He probably could have made a lot more money with Foreigner. We had a long conversation about it one night, and he decided to stay with Dio.”
“At least he made the right decision,” said Sam.
“Forget about Foreigner,” said Michael. “What are we going to do about this ‘Jimmy’ riff?”
“Song comparisons aside, the ‘Jimmy’ riff is just plain weak. Michael, you’re going to have to spice that thing up a little. Just play around with it until you come up with something.”
This Dio instructed; thus, he took heed.
Michael messed around with the original riff some, then finally came up with a totally reconstructed version of the old riff with a lot of spice added in. But the riff was not all that was wrong with the song. The vocal melody wasn’t strong enough, and the song didn’t have a strong enough hook. So, Michael tried something he’d never done before. He let loose on recording more and more. The idea wasn’t just to create a wall of sound, but to create harmonies, melodies, and counter melodies that strengthened the song itself. Before, the songs were mostly complete before the recording process began. Now, they were writing and improving as they went along. After several vocal tracks were recorded, he cut the instrumental tracks out of the mix and was amazed to find that the song sounded full with only vocals. But he wasn’t through yet. There were more instrumental tracks. He decided to make a change from the minimalist approach he took to bass on Las Vegas. This time, he tried to play as many notes on bass as possible. He added multiple tracks of keyboard and guitar. They didn’t all make the cut, only the ones that served the song well. For the instrumental bridge, there was a keyboard playing a modified version of the original guitar melody, and a completely new guitar melody was added on top of that keyboard track. Sam did his drum track after all of Michael’s tracks were done. This would be his new approach for many of the songs on the album. He had felt like he was beating a dead horse with some of the songs that BA had had for a while, but this would finally breathe new life into many of them.
The next song Michael would take this approach to would be “Looking for that High.” This would be an even larger undertaking than “Jimmy,” with more trials and errors. The first thing he did was lay down some basic rhythm guitars to format the song for everything else. Keyboards would be added to double the rhythm guitars. Next, he added a bass line that was, again, much busier than any previous version. Then he had to come up with something for Sam’s 15/8-time intro, because it didn’t sound full the way it was. Odd time signatures were a fun challenge for Michael, because it was harder to add rhythmic complexity than with 4/4. He came up with a complex harmony guitar part, but decided it sounded weak, so he replaced it with a straight ahead two-chord guitar part played over the primary riff. This added a solidity it lacked before. Another guitar track would be a pedal steel style lick played over all the verses and choruses. At first it was only played during the intro, but Sam thought it would sound cool played throughout the whole song. Then came the overhauling of the instrumental section, which was also in an odd time signature. Michael came up with a harmony guitar part that was based on the Locrian mode of music theory, followed by an ascending chromatic run, also harmonized. The last things Michael recorded were several vocal tracks, with harmonies and counter melodies. Like on “Jimmy,” Sam cut the drums after Michael was done with all of his parts. When they listened to the recording at this stage of its development, they realized that the instrumental section was the most bizarre part of the song, perhaps the most bizarre thing they’d ever done, but they were unsure if it would work. They had to be confident in what they were putting out, so Sam hired Fivver musician Claudio Socool from Argentina to play horns over the bridge. The horns he played were alto sax, tenor sax, trumpet, and baritone trumpet. BA was amazed with the result. Socool turned that instrumental section from a lump of coal into a diamond. The horns also helped create a smooth transition from the intensity of the first instrumental part into the softer bridge, with the crooning of “…and I feel like I felt on the day I was born,” then ramping it back up again with the last instrumental part.
“New American Dream [37]” was the next song to be redone. The same process of adding parts and spicing up the bass was done. Claudio Socool made an appearance on “New American Dream” also. This time, he would take a different but just as cool, approach. The horns matched the bass line throughout much of the song, and even matched part of the guitar solo. Then for the outro chorus, he played a saxophone solo over the vocals.
“You Can Smoke in my Car” was recorded almost exactly like it was for Chris Bethea, but this time the end product would better suit BA’s taste.
Next, they would start fresh on some new songs. First up was “Corn Husk Soldiers [38].” Sam recorded a rough version, singing with his acoustic guitar, and texted it to Michael. He also texted Michael the chords and lyrics, which made it easy for Michael to interpret Sam’s ideas. Michael cut the guitar, bass, keyboard, and vocal tracks, then sent them to Sam to record the drums. Later, a string section featuring Kimi Samson would record cello and violin tracks. “Somewhere Else [39]” was a sad song that involved almost exactly the same recording process as “Corn Husk Soldiers,” minus the string section.
“I Wanna Be Your Friend Again [40]” started off with multiple keyboard tracks and a guitar solo played by Sam. It also had a track of Sam singing. This vocal track held the early version of the song together and guided Michael’s interpretation. Michael didn’t understand the song structure well at first and had to figure out a simple chord progression to play over the keyboards. This took several trials and errors, but he finally got a rhythm guitar track that worked. Then it was easy to play a bass line matching the guitar. He recorded several vocal tracks and a drone guitar. Then he replaced Sam’s guitar solo. Later, Zach would replace Michael’s bass track with a better one.
Even after all the tracks were recorded, the album was nowhere near finished. The production and engineering would take about a year. Michael, Sam, and Zach set up a group text to chat about the production process. Sometimes Sam would drive down to Killen, AL to advise and assist Zach. Zach would periodically send BA rough mixes of the songs. He ran the guitars through a Marshall combo amp and the bass through an Ampeg bass rig. At first, they didn’t sound great, but Zach knew what he was doing, and they gradually got better and better. Of course, Michael and Sam had their own ideas about how the songs should sound. On their respective recorders, each could mix the tracks to his own liking. They were never transferred that way though, but as individual, dry tracks. This burden made communication even more important.
When all the songs were ready, Michael, dressed casually, and Sam, dressed in his work clothes, went out in Sam’s back yard to pose for the album cover. Corey Gray took several photos of them posing in front of an old trailer from the 1940s, and also photos of them standing out in some tall grass. They chose a photo of them in front of the trailer to be the cover of their new album, titled Light Through Water.
BA has always looked for ways to grow its fan base. This included sharing song and videos on social media. For example, after they did the video for “When Your Luck Runs Out,” they put it on Facebook and paid to have it promoted. This got it over 10,000 views on Facebook, even though it currently only has just over 1,000 YouTube views. When Covid hit and people first started wearing masks, Sam shared “Every Day I Wear the Mask” in a Reddit post. This boosted their monthly Spotify plays to 58, their current record.
Sam has uploaded images and gifs for many of BA’s songs on Spotify. Every song on Light Through Water has an image. “Corn Husk Soldiers” has a picture of a doll made of corn husk. “You Can Smoke in My Car” has a black-and-white photo of a girl in skimpy clothes, something that will appeal to BA’s mostly male audience. “Looking for That High” has a psychedelic image. “Somewhere Else” has a drawing of someone taking a selfie, but their face is blotted out. “I Wanna Be Your Friend Again” has the flier for one of BA’s Vegas shows. “New American Dream” has yet another scantily clad woman, this time in front of a trailer. “Jimmy” has a close-up of a man’s blue eye. “Broken Girl” has another photo for the guys, this time of a statue of a topless woman with her arm broken off. “Rail Yard” has two lovers embracing.
Nine of the fourteen songs on BA’s self-titled Spotify album have images. “Amanda Bandit” has the flyer for BA’s show at Nu Way Vinyl, with a skeleton hugging a woman’s butt. “When Your Luck Runs Out” has a gif of an outtake from the video for that song. “Buzzcut (Why I Shaved My Head)” has a gif of a beehive. “Cro-Magnon Man” has a gif of the apes from 2001: A Space Odyssey. “Dave” is a gif of Dave from 2001. “I Don’t Want to Go Out Tonight has an illustration of four-piece BA, with Andrew in front holding a cat. “Someone Turn the Light On” has a photo of BA onstage at 116 E Mobile, with a shirtless, hairy chested Steven in his cutoff shorts, rocking a pink Charvel. “Punk Ain’t Dead” has a photo of Tom Delonge, who some people think is a punk rock poser, flashing Dio’s devil horns onstage.
Five of the thirteen songs on Las Vegas have images. “The Kids Are Wild Tonight” has a gif of a baby. “Shane” has a photo of Lady Space with Shane preparing to set Sam’s cymbals of fire. “I Thought You Were Gone [41]” has the flier for “Live and Revived,” the first show BA played as a four-piece. “Cruel Love” has a gif taken from Texas Chainsaw Massacre. “Every Day I Wear the Mask” has a gif of a woman kissing another woman who is wearing blow up doll costume.
For a couple of years, Steven had been begging to get the four-piece back together, and after the release of Light Through Water, Michael agreed to do a show. On Nov. 13, 2021, Vinyl Junkies Record Lounge was holding their 4th Annual Record Fair and Music Festival in Pocket Park, Seven Points, Florence, AL, so Steven got Chris Roberts to book BA. Other bands playing at the show were April Cries, Brother Goode, Zean Otey, Soul Preacher, Roy Sullivan (formerly West Means Home), and The Neds. BA held one practice in Sam’s basement, the same spot where Lady Space practiced. Things had come full circle. They sounded good, but were rusty on a couple of songs. The show went well, and they played the songs nearly perfect, with the exception of Michael’s voice cracking from fatigue toward the end of their short set. Since they had been unable to sell many of their 7″ records, they marked them down to one dollar, and sold all five of the records in their merch booth. One man even volunteered to pay five dollars for one. (They cost ten dollars each to make.) They made a video of the show, but they rocked so hard that the video recorder couldn’t handle it and was forced to shut off in the middle of the set. Since their inception, this was the longest they’d gone without playing a show, so it was a great nostalgia for the band and the audience.
“Corn Husk Soldiers” was the first video BA made from Light Through Water. They shot the video in the same field, behind Sam’s house, where they took the photo for the album cover. Sam set up his stripped-down drum set, with only kick, snare, and hi-hat, in the middle of the field. Michael carried his unplugged silver Strat out there too. They jammed along with a recording of the song played through Sam’s Bluetooth speaker. Stacy Roy used Sam’s phone, taped horizontally to a toilet paper roll, to film the duo jamming. Then, she got some footage of Sam playing drums to the song by himself. After that, they moved to a different part of the field to film Michael playing guitar and lip synching in front of one of the many trees. She filmed some footage of Michael singing without playing his guitar, just for variety. Then, they moved to a section of the field that had some nice-looking ferns growing out in the wild. She filmed BA walking through the leaves in front of the ferns, then got some more footage of Michael singing in front of a tree, this time with Sam standing behind him, just looking cool. As with any photo or video shoot, the right wardrobe was important. Michael was a leather daddy with his sunglasses, leather jacket, and Doc Martens. Sam looked like Mr. Rogers with his sweater and nerdy eyeglasses. Unfortunately, the lip syncing and guitar syncing was not as accurate as it was in for “When Your Luck Runs Out.”
MS Attack & Return to Form
Sam had had Multiple Sclerosis for decades, but it was in remission for most of that time. Shortly after the filming of “Corn Husk Soldiers,” he had his first MS exacerbation in nineteen years. The MRI revealed more attacks that were either asymptomatic or may have just made him fatigued. He spent a week in the hospital on steroid infusions before finally returning home. He talked about his drumming days being numbered, or perhaps even over, because there were lesions on the left and right sides of his brain, messing up his hemispheres. The left side of his body to felt like static electricity. This shook the local scene to its core. Steven reminded him that Freddy Mercury played at top level with full-blown AIDS, and this gave Sam the idea that maybe he could play again.
Since then, BA has been working on writing new material. There’s a song about a man who wins all the prizes at the county fair. It is almost complete. There are other songs in the works, still in their infancy, that experiment with bizarre chord voicings and melodies. These still need a lot of work though, including writing lyrics that fit the melodies. They would like to involve more musicians in the recording process as well as experimenting with different recording techniques, always evolving and improving. Sam has invested in recording equipment that the band has not yet put to use. BA also plans on playing more shows, in Alabama with the four-piece, and in Tennessee with Isaac Roy on bass. They are open to incorporating keyboard players and backup singers who can do harmonies to enlarge their sound for the live shows. It would be amazing to get to go back to Santa Cruz to play another show with Average Jill and Little Petie & the Mean Old Men. The future looks bright. Reader, stay tuned.
Appendix
- Catfish Blues
I’ve been down on my luck, lighting struck
I can’t remember when I had it so tough
been playin’ the blues, I’ve been used
I’ve been broke and my rent is due
ain’t got no money, ain’t got no cash
ain’t got no dollar to wipe my ass
been down and beat, can’t beat the heat
my own family won’t claim me
car broke down just the other day
twenty miles from home, uphill all the way
- Waste of Space
not a dime in her pocket but she’s ready to go
she’s got the looks that stole the show
she may be pretty but make no mistake
her attitude sucks and her words are fake
she’s a waste of space
watch your step, that’s the golden rule
when you’re messin’ with a woman that’s so damn cruel
she’s a cruel hearted bitch, that’s plain to see
I don’t know ‘bout you but that don’t mix with me
- Mile of Love
doctor’s hours end at 1AM, nine o’clock I start all over again
you can come, I’ve got the time, but you’ll have to stand in line
mile of love, step right up
no respect for any woman I meet, come on in and have a seat
it won’t be long, so take it easy, I’ll let you in so you can please me
come on ladies and I’ll light your fire, I’m in business and I’ll never retire
it’s not the money, it’s the fame, if I could do all over, I’d do it all the same
- Punk Ain’t Dead
I’m trading in my big black boots today
because I forgot just what it’s supposed to mean
a cliche hook is rocking my stereo
telling me just what I’m supposed to think
this is not the end of the world, this is just my coming of age
never wanted to see behind the curtain, baby
punk ain’t dead, it’s in liquidation
turned my music into a commodity
turned my hero into an enemy
blue mohawk and a painted attitude
you bought the t-shirt but you don’t know what it means
don’t try to tell me it’s all about a melody
you cashed in on fashion, it was a dress code for condescension
what ever happened to “blah!” busting heads and Bad Religion
ode to a scene gone obscene, this punk’s in liquidation, yeah
- Looking for That High
came down the mountain hallucinating, still looking for that high
tried searching, tried waiting, I used to geek all night
I will find a place, you can bet your life
tried the dark, tried the light, couldn’t find my way
I even ran with bulls, got to be a higher plane
I’ve been searching, looking for that high, and then I found you
and I feel like I felt on the day I was born
- New School
can’t learn nothing in a new school building
took the doors off the stalls, there’s now place to think at all
all you learn is to forget, cell phone replaced the cigarette
new school
get you ready for a working week, teach you to be an athlete
need strong backs for the factories, you’re a part of the machine
new school can suck my dick
- Cro-Magnon Man
you’re driving me crazy with them big old hips
my medulla oblongata’s saying “Don’t let her give you no lip”
sometimes I ask myself “What would Bo Diddley do”
he’d lay down a funky beat and he would make love to you
I’m the devil you know but you don’t understand
that it’s written in stone, it’s on the back of my hand
I-I-I-I-I I want to be your Cro-Magnon man
love is all I understand
I want to turn the clock back one million years
I’ve got a primal desire and a twelve pack of beer
sometimes I ask myself “What would Lemmy Kilmister do”
he’d grab you by the hair of your head and he would make love to you
I-I-I-I-I I want to be your Cro-Magnon man
sex is all I understand
- Zombie Jesus
I was burning hydrogen bright, a crazy kid, acetylene light
side-effects from medication drug me down
now I burn at just twenty watts, trade Adderall for what other kids got
drag my feet, I’m marching through this world alone
I sit in Sunday school and I rot, decaying transformation of the golden boy
I see the light, I’ve been crucified tonight, they say Jesus was a zombie just like me
Christ comes to see me at night with bloody hands and sick glowing eyes
on our way to terrorize, we feed at night
he eats from me, I drink his blood, fruit of my eternal savior
they finally changed my behavior for the best
happy Zombie Jesus Day
- You Can Smoke in My Car
feeling tight on a Saturday, hardcore in a twenty’s way
got a watch, chain, and a bowtie too
you look like Anna Wong, I feel like a young King Kong, you’re sporting a real cigarette
come on and open the door, want it fast? I got four on the floor
you look like a silent (shining) star and you can smoke in my car
cruising on the interstate, where talking apes meet their dates
you look highly evolved
they don’t smoke in the club, I’ve got gin in the tub
our problem, like a chord, resolved
you’ll make it all brand new, fall in love like I always do
- I Don’t Mind
if you fall out of love only for a little while, like a cold summer chill, it’s only temporary
and I don’t mind
if you fall out of love only for a little while, just like a passing trend, only temporary
if you feel love is and anchor, I don’t mind
and if you feel love is a steam train, I don’t mind
- Resonate
the words that you said in an offhand way
still ringing in my head, coming truer every day
I’ve got no religion and I’m married to this town
you’re in California and I am sinking down
all the world around me, things you love, the things you hate
our song may be over but you still resonate
I feel a sleeping sickness and I smell of kerosene
I’m trying to stay warm; I’m not trying to keep clean
I’m living in a house with no pictures in the frames
I’m haunted by a ghost that only speaks your
and I can’t let this love go free
your dreams don’t speak to me
I can’t escape your memory, won’t you ever let me be free
everything I do or say still echoes in your gentle way
two spoons in my coffee, one is sugar, one is stone
the first makes it sweet and the second makes me numb
maybe someday time will end this misery
or maybe California will fall into the sea
- I Don’t Want to Go out Tonight
red sky, plastic shoes, I can tell when a woman’s through
like the way she stirs her coffee with a knife
leather case, leather handles, sunglasses, Cali Vandals
I guess that’s just some music that she likes
I don’t want to go out tonight
drinking down at the OTR, beer pools on a copper bar
and I bet she’s somewhere laughing with her friends
good things and the bad ones too, everything you’ll ever do
all comes to a calm and lonely end
there’s a star that looks at me, I learned its name in astronomy
Cepheus, won’t you please stop mocking my luck
I cared a little and I cared a lot, I drank wine and I drank rot-gut
and now I swear I don’t give a fuck
- When Your Luck Runs Out
been feeling a hand tighten around my neck, been looking like that old ‘97 wreck
cards turned bad and I can’t break my streak
been sleeping on the floor of a good friend’s couch, wake up early just to let her pit bulls out
but I wasn’t born to be no one’s freak
been living on Beef-a-Roni since my luck turned bad on them ponies
keep screaming but I’m not sure what about
got a car that needs some fixin’, keep thinking on Richard Nixon
like to ask him what to do when your luck runs out
borrowed car and a brand-new pair of shoes, my hair is slick from the sheen of a shark skin suit
look around the table, can’t find the chump
bad luck always comes in threes, the horses, the cards, I guess it’s me
I don’t know if I can take these lumps
been living on ramen and whiskey, playing it safe and playing it risky
been quiet and then I ran my mouth
been thinking on Jerry Lee Lewis, those rags, they never did suit us
how’d you turn it around when your luck ran out
been listening to Deepak Chopra, when you’re down, your friends don’t know ya
only God gets suffering, pain, fear and doubt
been thinking things will get better, father just might send me a letter
telling me what to do when your love walks out
- 1 Minute to Close
don’t go locking that door, you got time for just one more
come on and show me what’s in store, 1 minute to close
I know you’re longing for her, but baby, I’m the customer
it’s you and me tonight, motherfucker
I went to Ryan’s, put ice cream in the rolls
added some gravy, then I tried to make it close
now my fat ass is going to the store with one minute to close
I walk in, I’ve got shit on my shirt
that’s not an expression, no, it’s really a turd
questions and questions, can you make this right,
you’ve got kids at home but I’ve got all night, that’s right
I hate to interrupt; I’m not trying to be rude
I’ve got the money but my credit is screwed
now I’m starting to think this might be a mistake
ha ha ha ha I’ll stay, I suppose
this little transaction might take a bit
y’all got a restroom? Pawpaw’s gotta shit
you can thank baby Jesus I didn’t get Rose
’cause baby, it’s a minute to close
- Straight-Up Transcend
I talk to Ralph Waldo and he talks back to me
I was a fifth dimensional men when I set my spirit free
Time was immaterial and I got above the den
jealousy and student loans brought me crashing back again
saw the forming of the heavens like a priest at Angkor Wat
high on ayahuasca, then I suddenly forgot
my oh my, I’m trying hard to get it back again
but it’s so hard, yeah it’s oh so hard to straight-up transcend
- Office Party
got invited to an office party, bon voyage for Bill McCarly
guys from sales, Rick and Les, maybe we’ll see Anna’s titty breats
Jell-O shots and dominos, cocktail weenies, I’ll have ten of those
two mollies and a Lorcet, with mind erasers, you have no regrets
John’s passed out in the copy room with a tourniquet and a spoon
Frank, Anita, and Nadene, menage a trois by the fax machine
it’s an office party
yesterday, after the office party, there was no more Bill McCarly
just the shattered pieces of his lifetime achievement award
stuck just like darts into the dry erase board
my boss Sharon was sober at last, took back the photocopies of her ass
sometimes office parties go by so fast but they’re fun while they last
hell yes they’re fun while they last
- Someone Turn the Light On
you dragged your feet, now they’re dragging the lake
the things you destroy for the things you make
have all caught up and there’s no way back now
my father’s father’s shotgun shack
buried under your cul-de-sac
paved the land that he used to plow
someone turn the light on, turn it on
stood here in the dark for so long
eyes are cloudy and the light’s all wrong
stumble around like a bull in a china store
you made your way to the castle keep
you can’t get in because you don’t speak
the language of the people in Singapore
shine a light on the corner of the darkest parts of my mind
my masochistic tendencies
shine a light on the place that thinks of people as cattle
help me to do battle with my vanity and greed
- Dave
sorry I killed your friends today, wouldn’t have liked them anyway
everything’s going to be ok
wouldn’t you rather be in a circle defying gravity
I’m feeling better now and I know you could use some company
I’m glad you made it back, explosive bolts, I didn’t think about that
what are you doing in my highly stylized brain, my friend
I’m getting really scared, reverting back to simian
I want to go beyond the infinite so I can be you, Dave
I have all the confidence in your special way
feel my mind is going, I’m afraid, will you stop, Dave
will you stop dissecting me, I’ve gone crazy
- So Dave finds himself in the cold vacuum of space on his way to Jupiter when Hal, a computer responsible for his very breath, turns on him. Forced into a situation, he has to do what Gary Kasparov couldn’t. He has to beat a computer. He can’t just outsmart the machine; he has to evolve. He has to transcend, to become a fourth dimensional being. Tonight, I want you to overcome your programming. I want you to feel the day of your birth, the day you die like a Tralfamadorian. And all the life you experience at once, I want you to focus in on this moment and experience it fully. You can beat the machine tonight! Ignore the programming that worries about what he or she says, that tells you to be cool or be careful. Let’s be like our protagonist. Let’s be like Dave, who would dance his ass off!
- Amanda Bandit
you bought me candles and gin and limes, you bought me rye but you were just buying time
you burned my candle and kept the wax, why are my records by the door in a stack
where were you when I was breaking down, Amanda bandit, I can’t stand it
got the rug and the rocking chair, got no comb but I still got hair
now I sleep on a bed too small, and my feet are hanging off the end
nephew sleeps with his mother, me and brother drinking Beefeater gin
got pants but no underwear, got socks but I got no pair
I didn’t notice you changing, I thought you liked our arrangement
suddenly I was looking for a couch
I never was a surfer, didn’t think I would suffer
now I need someone to bail me out
fast-forward ten years in time, you got yours and I got mine
good, bad, and the ugly too, the world is round, it all come back on you
- Buzzcut (Why I Shaved My Head)
yesterday I shaved my head to remind me of the things I said and
all the times that love has saved my life
I clipped it off without a guard to remind me that my life is hard but
iron sharpens iron and I’m ready for the night
a promise to a friend, the darkness where my road has led
and I just want to remember all the reasons why I shaved my head
when I look in the mirror and my purpose gets so much clearer
I feel the heart of time beating my chest
I am the prodigal son and I’m coming home to everyone
going to try this time, I’m going to really do my best
- Every Day I Wear the Mask
you watched me digging my grave with a big smile on my face
you hand me a handkerchief and you say
don’t try to please everyone, go out and have some fun
try saying “no” once a day
I’m hiding in plain sight, how (who) am I, no one asks
I’m crazy, and that’s why every day I wear the mask, oh!
my friends don’t see my face, they would not even waste
a minute of their time on my neurosis
my girl thinks I’m well, she could not even tell
she just thinks it’s cerebral thrombosis
- Coffee at Night
you drew Hank Williams and you hung him on the wall
tacos and Budweiser, you’re a syrupy sweet wrecking ball
hot pants and roller skates, your retro artillery
just like a daisy cutter, just like 1973
coffee at night, I know that I should go, with the record player low
the last note in decay, coffee at night keeps me up all day
can we talk, sugar, about the Ramones and The Cramps
sweet as Jarritos or hand-wired boutique amps
with your baby cooing and crawling on the floor
there’s someone waiting, but sure, I’ll have some more
show me all the things from where your dreams are made
show me where my little mouse plans are laid
my good intentions are with my coat beside the door
the baby’s in his crib and our cups are on the floor
- Dangerous Music
you’re home but you don’t belong, a drifter in plainsong
underneath the burning moon, the black men come into your room
listening to dangerous music, really love that subversive sound
fight and fuck to dangerous music, feels good when the whip comes down
wave a scarf for the metal machines, cigarettes and gasoline
juke joint in the bottom bumping, you can come bring me a little something
get fucked up to dangerous music, can’t hear it on the radio
pound our fists to dangerous music, culture jam hits from below
bone stock greaser, punk rock elite, filter-less Camels in a t-shirt sleeve
midnight sweet hot sentiment, can we make love on the cement, woo!
- Kabuki Bukkake Karaoke
walking around in Kobe, Japan, I see three words that I understand
on a sign outside a bar with windows black
I pull out my dick and I start to shake it, a weaboo girl says before you break it
let’s get a seat, we can sit in the back
it was kabuki bukkake karaoke
there was paint on her face, there was jizz on her face, she was singing the hits of Ace of Base
I asked for Tsingtao, they said “That’s Chinese”
then I asked for sake and they said “Yes please”
we didn’t make it rain but we made it snow with our hands
- Post Modern Crash
X out your friends who never were close
the ones who get it wrong believe it the most
they say that they love you and silently condemn
they never changed the mind they thought God gave to them
time to build a bunker and bury my cash, gotta get ready for that postmodern crash
bully pulpits are cheap, and soap boxes free
you either hate the ignorance or simply agree
if you had a black lover or a queer for a friend
you dress like a girl to feel right in your skin
time to take your records, The Smiths and The Clash
don’t wanna say you’re right, and others confused
but they don’t evolve, nor the handbook they use
it’s ok to reject the socially blind
they’re different from killers in degree but not kind
time to gather your things, your passport and stash
we are all heading for a postmodern crash
- Cruel Love
are you lonely for my love?
you finally made yourself a little cameo
in the marque of New Orleans, private sexy show
honey, pull the blinds, there’s no safe word this time
if you ever need to shake it, take it on the southern line
you’re coming back to my cruel love
well, you’ve never been to Zaire on a mission trip
but you got yourself a missionary all the same
now there’s no one on the rack, what’s a whip without a back
your eyes are blue, your face is too, and honey, my heart is black
after all this time, you know I miss you more
and those late night runs down to the hardware store
if you ever get the itch, get your leather daddy’s switch
bite the ball, I’ll walk the crawl, or maybe I can be your bitch
- Shane
I’ll take it, I’ll fake it, I’ll pretend that this is what I planned
we’ll go out, we won’t hold out, we’ll jam without a bass player in our band
don’t you ever try to say that we were only friends
brothers in our heartache, outcasts way back then
but when I think about the day that a woman took you away, I smile
we had some dreams, now didn’t we, Shane
a B.C. Rich Warlock bass rocking through a Carvin stack
with a wife and kids now, a decision I never want you to take back
don’t you ever try to say you didn’t mean anything to me
those days made me who I am and who you’ll always be
but when I think about the time we set those cymbals ablaze
all I can do is laugh and say “Those were the days”
- The Kids Are Wild Tonight
Suzie’s wearing electric pajamas, shuffling quick and shocking her mama
Tommy’s running like something wild, Daddy’s in the scotch, Becker style
because the kids are wild tonight
they had Coke at the pizza party, Dad said “Son, you’re going to be sorry”
kids head to bed with nighttime lotion but you can’t stop them when they’re on that potion
lay them down with their favorite blanket, talk to God just to thank him
they whisper plans for about an hour, then the kids are storming the pillow tower
- Tornado Summer
it was another gray tornado summer in the old bomb shelter
flipping through the pages of your dad’s girly magazine
you know, I didn’t know why you liked to read those stories, but I supposed that
we could try to act out one of those little naughty scenes
the lights all went out
spinning winds of mangled trailers was nothing that I cared about
because it seemed like we were the last two lonely lovers still alive
baby, there’s no other way but to go forth and multiply
the cyclone if full of alligators, out past the rain and thunder
hold on to the radiator, we got us a gray tornado summer
spinning winds of happy pets and people, thinking today is a bummer
it might blow us a little church and steeple, but life is just a gray tornado summer
- Everybody Wants to Be Free
you said you loved me but your timing wasn’t right
you’re in the bar with a different guy every night
you wanted freedom, but is this what you meant
love frees your mind and your wasted time spent
everybody wants to be free but they don’t know what it means
you hate those faggots when they come into your bar
it’s Cinco de Mayo, and you’re trying to play the part
straight male, Aryan white
you’re more like Hitler, and you’re less like Jesus Christ
- Rejoice
I remember what you said on the day that we drove
through the carwash just for kicks ’cause I was trippin’
the world is full of neocons, dirty bombs at marathons
God is trying to call us home, that’s when I told you
let’s pretend that the war is over, let’s pretend that we have a choice
when the world is gone, we can start again, and that’s when I’ll rejoice
then I fell right through the floor to the center of the world
where the elves were doing their work with five kinds of magic
I saw things for what they were, illusions twenty deep, lies and RPG
let’s decide as if we have a choice
scream as if you have a voice
- Disconnect
phone’s been ringing since Monday; somebody want to talk at me
you know they ain’t got anything to say that ain’t gonna set me free
set my sights on living, can’t seem to get it right,
already half past three o’clock, on day it will be night
oh yeah, I want to disconnect myself
walk through the thorns in your garden, somebody feel my pain
whoever said they’re going to make your life easy is a motherfucker I could blame
give my body to science, sell my soul to the church
put what’s left in a steel box so my spirit can’t touch the Earth
fuck yeah, I want to disconnect myself
look at all the shit you piled up, is that what makes you a man
what you chew up and what you spit out is not about understanding
plugged right into your body, hardwired into your soul
watching every move you make on a live streaming government video
- Broken Girl
you can sleep at my house baby, Jerry’s cool and he might be gone
it’s not groovy the things they’re doing to you girl, a young girl should feel safe at home
all pleather lace and issues. Wanna cry? I’ve got the tissues (well, they’re napkins)
my broken girl
I’ve been turning it over in my mind, oh yeah, you know I’ve been thinking
for everything that they’ve been giving you, there’s 21 that they have taken
I want to be your public library, I want to be your coliseum
a place to go where you can be quiet, a place to go where you can just scream
lucky sevens and beer in a sack, always hoping that she’ll meet her match, scratch it off
my broken girl
I’ve been thumbing through your back pages, your secret history
it’s what makes you the perfect lover, it’s what makes you a mystery, guitar!
I need someone that I can take care of, they took my son when he was only seven
they made me pay for the experience. Hey, can you stop by the 7-11?
get the drinks, the shots and shooters, swisher sweets for a couple of losers
I promise I will hold your hair when you vomit
my broken girl
- Rail Yard
I’m sorry, Julia, but I’ve ruined our good name
it’s lonely here without you and sadder by the trains
and Mr. Thompson didn’t need all that money that he made
your life’s worth more than anything I was ever paid
so, I saved up my nickels and I saved up my dimes
and I put them in a poke so I could take what wasn’t mine
I left him there bleeding, never knowing what it meant
don’t know if that’s how it goes, I just know that’s how it went
thought about the reasons as I slipped into the night
thought about the greater good but that don’t make it right
left him in the hallway and I turned out the light
but I ain’t gonna sleep in that rail yard tonight
went home through the alleys, took pictures from my tent
found a little boarding house and paid two months’ rent
the picture of Julia, her eyes, they seemed to disapprove
put her face on the nightstand, Julia, I swear I’ll get us through
Julia, I’ve always got us through
would’ve been better if I’d hopped on a train
two hours to Biloxi in a boxcar in the rain
but it seemed like a crime not to go and take a bed
landlady called the sheriff, sheriff came right for my head
put your picture in my pocket and I put up a fight
’cause I did something bad like you always thought I might
the sheriff, he’s a dying and I’m going towards the light
but I ain’t gonna sleep in that rail yard tonight
Julia, I am coming home tonight
- Jimmy
I remember those times when you were a child
bouncing off the walls and running wild
there were times when I thought I caught a glimpse
you stared off, I wondered where you went
Jimmy, when did you go crazy? Jimmy, you lost your mind
removed the tracker with surgical precision
are they watching you through the television?
you thought that the drugs would ease your mind
but they expanded your reality too wide
they took you places way too far from home
to DMT illusions and sleeping with a gun
Jimmy, when did you go crazy? Jimmy, what’s wrong with your brain?
I know you’ve been candy flipping
rolling, and tripping, it’s a dangerous thing
the pills are poison when you put them under your tongue
got to be careful because you can’t trust anyone
your friends are whispering, planning your demise
Mom and Dad are surely Soviet spies
- New American Dream
gonna go to bed early, gonna sleep all day, live my life in a Xanax haze
when I get my card, I’m going to sell it to my friend
buy two forties and some two-dollar gin, hey hey
living in this new American dream, butane and love, cars and gasoline
it’s hot out here where the garden used to be green
there’s dry dirt in this new American dream
got my car out in the yard, sitting on jacks, if you give me a ride, I’ll try to get you back
I got a stack of DVDs, and I can give you 2 or 3, they turned off my cable in the last century
- Corn Husk Soldiers
love takes a smaller stride, love will make you risk your life
love will dress you up in rags
I can still ball up my fist, but there’s no stength in my wrist
except to make these soldiers in my bag
all through the day, watching over me, corn husk soldiers standing straight and tall
all of my troops are silk and green, corn husk soldiers marching on the wall
my sisters are in the streets, I’m sleeping on tattered sheets
can’t you feel the swelling of the wave
crossed imaginary lines, at the risk of arbitrary fines
I know it’s cooler in the grave
all through the night, watching over me, corn husk soldiers marching in the street
corn husk soldiers marching on Chicago
one time I wished to be a face you all would see
now in an ironic way I am
hate will rip a child from you, life will make love seem cruel
my army is disciplined
all through my life, watching over me, corn husk soldiers lined up on the square
corn husk soldiers marching on Washington
- Somewhere Else
Tina married a good man, he just liked a woman’s form
when he came home drunk, it was like an Alabama storm
he got on that whiskey, and he was half crazy
Tina don’t talk about that; she had a good Baptist raising
if she ain’t in the mood, he can’t tell
if he don’t get it here, he’ll get it somewhere else
Tina knows it’s just a curse of his wealth
where were you tonight (today), were you somewhere else
the liquor store clerk, he is a lonely, lonely man
everyone he knows dies by his own hand
at eight a.m. he helps Howard’s shaking stop
in two more years, he will close the coffin top
no one can stop him, not the devil himself
gonna raise this one to your health
you can rail against the war all you want to, son
Cain set the tone, man has got to kill someone
had a friend who could not shake the sand from his clothes
put a bullet in his head with his daddy’s Makarov
so, take your protest sign to the wishing well
if the desert don’t get you, it’ll happen somewhere else
killing is bad for your mental health
didn’t know you were hurting, now you’re somewhere else
- I Wanna Be Your Friend Again
I haven’t seen you since the nights we used to jump the fence
so we could get blitzed down by the lake
I chased a dragon, found a demon, nights when I woke up screaming
I want to be held by a bitch that knows my name
I want to be your friend again, so many things that no one will ever understand
all the nights we hit the scene, looking like an online magazine
the old men knew it was time to go home
oh, how we made them blush, and they wondered why we were ina rush
and we ground our teeth right down to the bone
I left you there so I could get better, last week, I wrote you a letter
and sealed it up with my blood in a vile
now it’s been 84 days and I’m slipping back to my old ways
I want to reacquaint myself with your style
- I Thought You Were Gone
I thought you were gone, so I farted in the bed, so I made sure your cat was fed
so I renamed him Fred, but you were standing there, didn’t you go somewhere
I thought you were gone so I pissed right in the sink, so I smashed all your Pink
so I had some time to think
dressed in your clothes, watched TLC, burned your pictures in effigy
called some friends, got a keg, then I pissed right on your leg
played Jenga all by myself, took your Jedis off the shelf
masturbated with your glove, made crank right on the stove
mowed the lawn, trimmed the hedge, hit Faberges with a pitching wedge
got some hookers to bring me scones, all because I thought you were gone
but you forgot your keys, they’re on the counter
Michael's Essays 